Sometime earlier this summer, I actually tried to hang out with my IRL friends more, but that's just not what fate wants for me. May 16th and June 3rd broke me. Scratch is all I care about, but I'm getting sick of the website after the "flame code" website data loss incident around that time. I feel lonely, and playing video games barley makes me feel better. Watching TADC and playing the Elder Scrolls IV remaster (with internal fluids turned off in settings), kind of helped me feel better, but also made me feel worse that I wasn't accomplishing anything "real". (I also started to re-watch Steven universe a few days after I made this project) A month ago, I at least had a goal to upgrade Sonic 4 Episode 3 By Scratch to make it worth the popularity I wanted it to have, but now I don't know what I want, so thanks for discouraging me everyone. Due to all of this, I've barley made any new high effort projects, I just can't get in the mood to do them.
Credit: @-JAM58- and Nintendo for the music ______________________________________ Things are about to get kind of deep, but I've been told there are other people who feel somewhat similar, so don't panic like I'm in danger. I don't want to become the villan of this website, I just want a way to feel happy again before the summer is up. All I really have for fun this summer is playing on my gaming consoles or using Scratch. I'm scared to waste yet another oppritunity for a break from school as a lazy-bones sitting on my computer and TV, instead of having fun with friends, I need a miracle, or I will go on like this until I graduate school and lose my mind from growing up. I have nothing to "focus" on besdies the fact I'm a loser in life. All I feel I have is the fact I'm good enough to be a principle's honor roll student. I know school smarts can't carry me through life. I'm sick and tired of standing on the sidelines. I want whatever happens on Scratch in the next few years to be worth everything I've had to go through. I want to make a change in the world, but I don't have the mindset for it. I wanted to surprise Sonic Fans (even outside the website through your help) by making an unoffical Sonic 4 Episode 3. I still want to expand the Magu Universe into something everyone can love. I want to make Magu a loveable and relevant character, like Steven Universe. I know theese ideas all sound stupid, but they still matter to me, I just can't make you guys understand. Something is wrong with me, I can't just deal with all my problems this way for the next few years, and what's worse is that asking for help is NEVER going to work. When I fix something wrong with me, there happens to be much other things to improve on. It makes me even more mad to myself that I keep doing this. Scratch is the only thing I have that keeps me motivated in life, everything else is too complicated When the day comes where I just move on from Scratch, I will be sorry to everyone, and myself, I didn't try harder. What if I'm overreacting, and everything really is just "ok"? Then I had no reason to write all this, and I would just be even more of an embarrasment as a person. I have no skills in talking to stand up for myself, I stutter too much, and loose faith in my ideas, wheteher they were rightful, or wrongful. In real life, I can barley collect my thoughts, but when I'm writing, things are way different, and I can take them straight from my brain, and onto paper. I feel like one of the most broken people on planet Earth, and no one can fix me. I already feel like there's no turing back from writing all this. Things are too late to change for the better, and all I can do is wait until I finally lose it. I'm just digging my own grave (mentally), and this entire essay-length rant about myself being valid is my biggest question of all.
