If I'm not on Scratch as much anymore, don't think i left or forgot you guys. here's my explanation. I am 12 years old. turning 13 in December. my father died last night due to heart failure. it was sudden and we were at home. we live out in the country, so it took the ambulance about 15-30 minutes to make it here. his heart was barely beating by then. we lost him. i lost my father last night at such a young age. i recently found out this morning. yesterday i had stayed the night at my grandparents house and arrived at their house minutes/and hour before his sudden heart failure. he was on the hammock outside on our back of the deck. he had taken his new medication then he went to lay down on the hammock. he was drinking soda and chewing t0b@cc0. i never got to see him in his last moments. i didnt get to see him get draped by the american flag. and i dont know if i want him buried at my house, buried in the army cemetery, or cremated. i dont know how to act like a real big sister and at least look strong for my 2 younger siblings. my youngest sibling, at the age of 2, wont even remember him. now i feel like i have to take over his responsibilities. remember most things, wash the dishes by myself every day, help cook or cook dinner, clean up, help get money to keep us with enough to have fun whenever, help to try and pay for a fence, help to pay the bills, help raise my siblings. i feel like im no longer a tween/teen but now i have to take over. my mom's falling apart so i have to look strong for my siblings. i feel like i could fail more dramatically now. i feel like it's my fault but at the same time not. i feel like im going to have to become the second mom in the house. help get money. get a job (in any way possible). I will try to do anything to help my family. i had all these things i wanted to learn from him, ask him, show him, do with him, etc. but i always thought that i had time. now I'll never know, show him, be with him, etc. I'm sorry, Dad. I failed you.
Rest In Peace, Justin TJ Swanson. Loving father of 3 Husband Friend Teacher Coach Brother Son Died on July 23rd, 2026, of heart failure. June 6th, 1986 - July 23rd, 2026 thank you @BlueFizz_14 for being there for me today. it really kept my mind off of it for a while what i've heard a lot IRL and it doesnt help it makes it worse, im sick of it, or it's just not effective: 1. Im so sorry 2. im sorry 3. sorry for your loss 4. im sorry about your dad 5. im always here for you (like bro, we both know you aint. he always said that he'd always be there too. didnt know forever ended so early on.) 6. *the silent sitting there* 7 *just looking at me* 8. You wanna talk abt it? (Like bro, no tf i dont! why u think im here?! so i could talk abt smth that's gonna put me down again?!) 9. 'i mean i can kinda relate' 10. 'he's in a better place now (like wtaf?! that's like the worst thing to say!) 11. Im praying for u (im not religious, idk the meaning in praying for someone) 12. he's with god now (WE NEVER HAD A RELIGION! LIKE WHAT IF HE'S REICARINATED?!) 13. he's watching over u 14. he wouldnt like that 15. he wouldnt want u to cry 16. so....what u wanna talk abt? 17. how u feeling? (like bro im still in shock. idfk how im feeling! Consued? in denial, worthless, etc.) 18. *long silence. looks at my wall where i hang up my letters for my lost loved ones* oh that's cool.
