[ Claim ] || Fantasykit || Female, she/her || 3 moons || FalconClan kit || Reference: https://scratch.mit.edu/projects/1364569274/ ; Notes: https://scratch.mit.edu/projects/1364570894/ || Typing.. )) in advance. my heart is still crying .. teal eyes blinked, wind whistling through the mountains. fantasykit didn't understand why the older cats were crowded around. why they stood so close, as though trying to keep the kits back. she picked her way through them, curious to see and they reluctantly let her, whispering that it was time to tell her. that was the first time she heard of death. the concept evaded her, tapping her shoulder and ducking away into shadow when she turned to face it. no, not the concept evading her - the reaction. the older cats wept and nuzzled her fur and, as night crept in, dark claws sinking into glamorous feathers and swallowing them into its jaws, began retelling her life. "Look away, little one." "Let your memories be happy." "Shouldn't you be sleeping?" their words brushed her off every time she asked why this 'death' was so important. death was when a cat left, they said. not only physically, but psychologically, emotionally. she didn't understand those words yet. but 'left'. she knew that one. Had she been left? Abandoned? she felt cold, nursery empty, watching the proceedings as tenebrous, inane guesses related to why quillquiver would have left began to bud. remembrancekit had screamed something about her earlier. what had it been? "I HOPE IT HURT!" she was numb. nose to tail empty, hollow, staring blankly. pain. she'd felt pain before. did death involve pain? "You rat. Abandoning me." ..pain endured so that, as remembrancekit had said, they could be abandoned. she was so.. confused. her eyes stung, a smile itching at her face. she hoped her littermates weren't there to see her cry. was she not enough? why had she not been given so much as a chance? it was so.. unfair. didn't she have the right to try and prove herself? prove her worth? worth, what was that? she wanted to be.. worthy. deserving. fantasykit lifted a paw, scrubbing at her eyes as an older cat padded over. "What's wrong?" she swallowed. "Am I not.. mm.. worthy? Is that way mama left?" silence. a paw gentle on her head. "That's not why she left." the paw moved. "Why did she leave?" out the corner of her eyes, she saw her littermates settling into their nests. "She didn't want to leave." a gentle nudge, ushering her toward hers. "Why did she, then?" these words didn't make sense to her. wrapping around her brain, incomprehensible ropes of continued questions, deflections, repeated through her tiny jaws and echoed and uttered by three other sets. so many shades of pain reflected in the same tone but in different ways. "..go to sleep, Fantasykit." that wasn't what she wanted to ask. it didn't matter that quillquiver had left, no, she supposed not- she had left before, and always come back. death must return her eventually, right? no, the question she'd been trying to ask, the one that hadn't come no matter how many times she'd wished it, was different, no more and no less complex but not the same, either, and this one she whispered at last when tenebrous dreams had crept upon her and she was left on the brink of sleep: "Why doesn't she love me?" that was the word repeated over and over again in the dark, the dark that now wrapped around her thoughts as she closed her eyes. muffling them. "..love.." "..love.." "..love.." why had she never heard it? because surely, if quillquiver loved anyone, wouldn't it have been fantasykit, the oldest kit, the one who took care of the others? or maybe she was overthinking it and 'love' really wasn't that important after all .. in tenebris. in frigore. in carcere. /lyr in darkness. in coldness. incarcerated. waiting in the dark. in the cold. trapped by confusion. I spent an absurd amount of time gathering thoughts for this I don't know how long it took so enjoy some random rambles on what this means for tass i suppose
first of all let's talk about the name!! so Fantasy's reference is called a "risk-ridden rulebook", right? well, that's because Fantasy isn't a planner. isn't a rule follower. kit is simply when she's the least Fijua (her inspiration) or when she was supposed to be. the rulebook has several rules she's tearing out and rewriting on her own. this one describes the first rule, 'tenebris'. correct me if I am mistaken, but I believe that means 'darkness' in Latin. throughout this, she's attempting to understand why quillquiver left.. or rather, not that she left, but why she never said "I love you" to her kits; throughout her dsrp, she didn't say it. they have had no previous interactions. fantasykit is then led to believe that, no, she is not loved; but isn't she the most lovable of all the kits? she takes care of the others as eldest.. isn't that like quillquiver? wouldn't she be proud of her? ah! so perhaps 'love' simply isn't as important as a word as the older cats make it out to be- it must mean nothing important. i have also referred to her as dark, cold, and confused multiple times; the rule covers all of those. so what is the rule? a. love is not important - if it didn't come from Mother, it means nothing (the word is used first in regards to Quillquiver = it must be associated with her to count) b. crisis means you are alone - when it got dark, she was left alone while the older cats mourned (they left her for nighttime vigil = when crisis strikes, she will be put aside) c. emotion holds information - the older cats were visibly overcome with emotion (that emotion, along with what she displayed, affected what they told her = emotion is a tool) will let you do what you will with that, it's like three AM so I need to skulk around and plan/write lore before the 3 AM thoughts flee <3
