[Rant/Vent Warning, As This Talks About Personal Things. If You Severely Dislike Vent's, I Recommend You Leave.] alright so uh.. yeah. it's that time again. ..school.. yippie. ..no yippie, actually. i'm not happy about school anymore. or even the concept of work anymore. this sudden dread has been eating me alive lately. because, let me give you the blunt truth. i am still hurt by 9th grade, and i don't want to do another school year after what i had to go through. basically. life went to pure war-zone last school year. school was constantly bombarding me with work, especially Spanish, and maybe other classes i had to worry about. scratch was horrific, with the Cyan drama completely destroying everything i once had, and i have yet to even get better from it. just thinking about it makes me fall into the pit of hatred and rage. because i never had anything to do with it and i was one of, if not the most targeted person in that drama. receiving mass reports, or threats of mass reports, death threats, intense harassment, manipulation of fear, being called horrible things.. and that wasn't just it. some of my friends doubled down on what i was dealing with and crashed out on me, and i was treated as basically a punching bag this entire year. if my scratch account got banned, i would've lost everything, maybe even my own mind, who knows. ..and not to mention the election was on that year. so i had to welcome constant arguments in my family. i was ambushed and mauled on every side and i am maybe traumatized from last year. that is only a brief description of everything, keep in mind. i know the entire. agonizing. brutal year i had barely survived, in full detail. and the dread i feel now has lead me to be significantly more aggressive lately towards a lot of things, and generally more hostile or easily aggravated or angry. when people tell students that next year will be difficult, they might think that's a motivation to prepare and be ready for a great challenge! ..for me, knowing what i was forced into. that just makes me feel like i live in some endless purgatory that exists to physiologically torment people over and over again. i apologize if i suddenly come out ranting like this but, i cannot keep my smile about all this anymore. i have gained a burning hatred for school. and i cannot come to forgive cyan not because i hate him, but because i just can't let it go, something so life-changing and i didn't do anything wrong. i'm not ready to forgive him. which doesn't mean i hate him.. but. it hurt me. and a wound like this has yet to heal. i'm feeling a lot of negative feelings right now and i'm currently not in a healthy state. ..and honestly. despite reaching out to everyone. comforting me is only just gonna keep me at bay. i can only hope 10th grade isn't as insufferable as 9. but honestly, i kinda have given up hope it's gonna just suddenly get better like some fairy tale. i think i'm losing my faith.
