welp, summer is over for me. today's my last day here in louisiana before i go back to oregon. i came here on the ninth of june and am returning tomorrow, on the fifteenth. so i essentially had two months and about a week of break. this may have very easily by far been the best summer of my life. i got some job experience, i relaxed when i needed to, i ate good food, i read good books, and i watched good movies. i discovered so much about myself as well and have made huge progress on my journey towards my truest and best self. i've played plenty of mario kart and smash ultimate, both of which were very fun most of the time. i'm ending off in mario kart with nearly 22k vr as opposed to the 8.7k i started off with. (perhaps it might not have been that high if i had decided to play worldwide sooner) these games were made more fun especially with friends, especially those from the smash ultimate server. y'all were awesome, for the record. :> (special thanks to julia and ex for the game where all of us only used FALCON KICK for a full five minutes. most fun game of smash everrr) i went on vacation as well, to florida. panama beach, specifically. i enjoyed it, especially since it was more chill and less scheduled than most vacations. it gave us more time to relax as a result. admittedly, though, i do wish my older sister had talked to me a little more. she's been rather distant, or at least preoccupied with her friends and social media, as of late. the best part of my summer was easily my girlfriend. (she changed her name today) :3 for the record, julia, you were and are absolutely amazing. thank you so, so much for making this the greatest summer of my entire life. we had so many fun times and conversations, you brought out my best and happiest self, and i loved seeing you so happy and so open. i hope to talk to you again soon, once i can regain a device to consistently talk with. this can be via here, slides, or the site we used for the past three weeks or so; please check the first and the latter in case i manage to reach you :> i really don't want to return to school, which begins again the week after next. i'm going into senior year, meaning every choice i make academically and otherwise matters now more than ever. schoolwork very often stresses me out, due to my poor ability to focus on one thing for too long if it isn't stimulating, and my hopelessness in terms of organization and multitasking. social things also play a huge role in my dislike towards school; while yes, there are people i talk to, it's very difficult for me to start and / or maintain a conversation, whether i know the people or not. due to my lack of exposure to numerous things and pickiness in hobbies growing up, i don't know as much about many things as others do. and i'm just very socially awkward in general, as evidenced by my inability to even hold conversations with my girlfriend without incident at times. and, of course, i have the issue of my mother forcing me to run track this year at school. if she does follow through with this, it might seriously impact my mood, which i ESPECIALLY do not need now of all period of my life when i'm actually happy and content for a change. i do not enjoy sports, i do not enjoy strenuous activities, and i do not enjoy attention or judgement. and you can bet your house and your life savings that my parents won't allow me to join the girls' team. yes, this will look good on college applications and all, and i did work many hours this summer on college and academic related business, but am i even going in the first place? i'm still brooding on whether or not college is the right decision for me, given my social inadequacy and how easy it is for me to fold under pressure (especially academic). i'm sure i have the potential to get through college, but again, i don't want to have to go if it's not something i'm one hundred percent able and willing to follow through with mentally and physically. one thing i do hope to try to get into is playing an instrument, preferably electric guitar. if not, frankly i do not have any other ideas for hobbies besides writing, reading, and media, and i've been inching away from or at least washed at art, so otherwise i'll be pretty much cooked. honestly, that's it. i'm not going to be active here much if at all until school starts up again, since my flight is (stupidly early) tomorrow morning. so, i'd like to say that i hope you all had an amazing summer and i wish you all the best for your own school years and / or academic endeavors. all in all, i had a very good summer and i'd rather not have it end so soon, but this is something mandatory that i can't do much about. might as well grit my teeth and get through it. school isn't horrible, but it will still present a lot of issues for me that i'd be grateful if you all supported me through. i might post a summer recap sometime. to all of you, bye for now. to julia, you're my everything and i'll see you soon.
