Leaving :(

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I’ve been on this site since the first grade, starting off with a students account to creating smaller accounts abandoned now. I’ve had friends who moved offsite and when they did, I had no way to contact them. Now I have like 2 active friends? No on one this site is close to me and I barely get any interaction whenever I post something I worked really hard on. People with brand new accounts get hundreds of followers while I built up my following so that means the majority of my followers are inactive and I only get page views when I interact with someone else’s content. I’ve done things I’m not proud of like say problematic things, ask dumb questions, be insensitive. I was the reason a few accounts got banned and maybe it was fair, maybe it wasn’t, but there was a kid behind the account with immaturities and a soft, weak heart. I must have made many kids sad and who knows what sort of mental toll it took on them. Irl, I have 3 friends and none of them are really close because we got closer in the last term of school. My friends from elementary school (and other good friends) stopped talking to me and I know I did wrong, understandably, though I never snapped like them. They made fun of me, used the “of course, you’re Indian” card more than necessary, gaslighted me into thinking no one likes me, they just want academic help, chose someone else over me whenever there was an option. When one of them told the TWIN SISTER of the guy I liked that I liked him AND the biggest gossip in the school, no one defended me. They told me it was a ‘me problem’ and it had nothing to do with them. The second I do something stupid and impulsive and tell her hear me out that he’s a hear me out, the whole friend group ghosts me? I got blocked on all platforms, everything. You don’t have to forgive me but you could have tried to ask. It was so easy for you to cut me off. I’m going to spend my 15th birthday all alone and I expect my 16th to go that way too. In the past year, I’ve not talked to anyone about pop culture, my weird obsessions, things I like, my art, nothing. I can’t even discuss things with my sister because she doesn’t get things to a deeper level which is understandable because she’s a kid and nothing is new for her because she lives with me. I can’t tell her crazy things that happen to me because her reactions are so plain (shes in her nonchalant phase) I haven’t been meeting my childhood friend either because both our parents are so busy and so is he with studies. All my old friends, moved away or our parents don’t meet so I haven’t really met anyone outside of school the past year, staying at home, wasting time. I’ve literally never been in love? I’ve had minor crushes, nothing too serious while people I know are in romantic relationships, talk about it, msg guys, flirt. My old friends were kind of recluses and the sort to watch guys from afar and write journal fanfics between themselves so I never befriended guys. SIKE HAHAHAHA I’M NOT LEAVING IN THE NEXT FEW YEARS DW END THIS PITY PARTY All of this is true but life is a tragedy and I’m an optimist (most of the time) lolz love ya’ll I hope you love me too <33 Anyways yeah my friends stopped talking to me yeah I’m going to spend my 15th alone yeah I did spread secrets (I apologised for the rumour AND for apologising late btw) but I got to explore my interests, my art, and I got back into reading! I spent my breaks in the library reading and rereading my favourite books, I finally accepted my ninjago love and bought the Legos, I’m probs going on a Lego shopping spree on my bday and will play Minecraft with my sister! For the relationships, I know I’ve never been in one but I’m destined to be the bachelor auntie and that’s fine! My fav cousins and aunties are the single baddies anyways >:) and after my friends stopped talking to me I kinda got boy attention? I think my old friends scared boys away or something though if I were a pretty boy I would be scared of being tied to them through some ritual they found online (they are SO that sort of people) but overall, I don’t hate my friends for how they held me back because I had fun with them while it lasted. Like I once read in a comment somewhere: “I am a mosaic of everyone I ever loved.” I think it’s a beautiful quote and it helped me stop holding grudges and helped me really move on. I can’t change my stupid mistakes but I can change the way it affects my future. Anyways the only issue I have is friends I need friends on scratch otherwise I’m good! I talk to my cousins now and that makes me happy because I don’t like calling people and then we meet once in a trillion years but now we talk often so that’s great >:D Remember kids, mental health is important! Sometimes we just have to sit down and think about things to better appreciate our lives and figure out how to continue when we don’t really feel like it. Have a great day <33 I’M NOT LEAVING