Ok so I've been wanting to do one of these for a while but I've kinda been scared of like criticism and looking like I'm seeking attention or something (I swear I'm not). But then Cardinal (my muy bonita silly chud gf) did one and it kinda gave me the courage to do it so thanks watermelon ily <3 Ok so there's 2 things I kinda wanted to vent about. 1. So I've talked to my gf some about this but I sit alone at lunch. on a bench. in the lobby... and basically I had this friend who had invited me to sit with her and her other friends but when I got there, there was this other girl who they picked to sit with which meant there was no room for me. and I know thats not that big of a deal but this happens all the time. in my classes if we're working with partners and I have a friend there they'll always pick someone else to be their partner. the only time anyone picks me to be their partner is when their friends aren't there. and so I always work alone. and it really really hurts to be that person that's never anyone's first pick because I just want someone to choose me. 2. My body. I feel fat a lot and of course there's nothing wrong with people who are "overweight" or "chubby". but I feel like if I'm that then people aren't going to like me and so I get really anxious when I eat. I actually used to be a little overweight in like 6th grade to 8th grade and people were really mean about it and so ever since I've been so scared if I gain weight because what if it happens again? then I'm definitely not going to be anyone's first or even second pick. I've been so obsessed over the calories in my food and weighing myself and sometimes if I gain a pound then I kind of punish myself? I don't allow myself to eat until I lose that pound I gained. I just wish that everyone was nice to each other and this kind of stuff didn't matter yk? anyways that's all I needed to say. if you made it this far then thanks for reading I really appreciate it <3
The song is Worlds Smallest Violin by AJR
