- warning it might be personal so um yea (also if the guy i wrote about is reading this IM SO SORRY) - ok so YALls ive been so confused lately abt love and stuff because alf of my friends are telling me something and the other half is telling me something else but i wanna trust myself BUT I DONT TRUST MYSELF IN THE SLIGHTESET and i dont knkw what to do because i just wanna see him agian BUT RAGGGGGFHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ALSO IF(strong "if") HE ASKES TO GEHT ABCK TOGHERT SHOULD I DO IT????????? i dont know if its gonna be good or abd for me but i dont wanna be evil and mena and crul I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO and i strongly DOUBT that he will but accordin to other people its LIKELY but i expect the worst of things all the time and i have trust issues for romance(probably just low self esteem and the fact that I had so many crushes where the love was not reciprocated) RRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEE BUT IM SO WORRIED BECAUSE I DONT EVEN KNOW FOR SURE IF I LOVE HIM ANYMORE AND I WANT TO SO BAD(and i cry over him a lot T_T) BUT I WANT TO STOP BECAUSE I KNOW HE DOESNT LIKE ME ANYMORE AND HES GONNA FIND SOMEONE MUCH PRETTIRE AND MUCH NICER AND FUNNIER AND SO MUCH BETTER THAN ME and its SO AWKARD BETWEN OUR TEXTS AND IM SO SAD AND IDK IF HES IGNORING ME OR IF ITS JUST HABIT IDK IDK IDK RRRRRRRRRRRRRR omg romance is SO. HARD. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT PLEAASEE I CANT HANDLE THE PRESSURE also i overthink and over analyze so much and mixed with expecting the worst of things im just a pessimist when it comes to love also my other friend said that maybe hes tryna give me space BUT I SIMPLY CANNOT HANDLE SPACE(unless its someone who i despise deep in my core) I WANT TO SEE HIM AGAIN AND I WANT TO TALK TO HIM AND TEXT HIM BUT IM SO ANNOYING AND CREEPY ALL THE TIME AND I MAKE EVERYONE UNCOMFORTABLE AND IM SO SCARED BECAUSE I KNOW HE HATES ME NOW BUT I STILL LOVE HIM AND EVEN WHILE WRITING THIS IM BEING SO CREEPY WHY AM I SPILLING ALL THE LORE TO STRANGERS ON THE INTERNET???????? ... i just dont know what to do about love anymore i want to see him so then i can finalize my feelings and put them to rest i need to know if i really like HIM or just the memories then it'll be easier to let him go if i know he doesnt like me anymore even if he does still like me, should i get back with him? ... i hate love :,|
a little rant about my love situation rn(im treating scratch like a personal diary with people bonuses) ummm sorry if i overshared i just needed to write it all down also ive been wanting to write a poem about how ashamed i am of my scars but im running out of fuel and im just so tired all the time i cant even do poems anymore T_T anyways thanks for reading that big block of text :)
