Sept. 3, 2026. 10:25 PM .................................................................................. I re__l_p_ed yesterday. On my hand and x2 on my leg. Hope mom or dad don't notice. Did it because my brother clearly doesn't know how to control his words. "You're so selfish! You never help!" Frankly, it's quite the opposite. I care too much, if anything. Putting others first. And I'm still trying to help MYSELF from my own thoughts. Today he tells me I'm lazy and tells me I don't 'deserve to be in chamber and go to NYC next year' Do you think I WANT to be in chamber or even orchestra? NO. I don't I only do it for mom and dad. And if I was lazy that I wouldn't have gotten in. I'll probably drop it after middle skl. If I make it to that point, anyways. Then I don't clean, my brother tells my dad and my dad tells me 'I'm selfish'? Oh, I'm sorry. Maybe you don't see the crap that your daughter is going through because she knows that you already have so much going on and so much stress and stuff to worry about that she doesn't want to be a burden. I ate today. A meal after 2 or so days. I hate it. I regret it. I wish I never ate at all. I've purg3d almost 3 days in a row. I hate it so, so much. My house doesn't even feel like home anymore. Food looks disgusting. My body looks horrid. My room holds so many thoughts and reminders of how I would cry and c_v_t on that bed. I just want to feel happy. To feel sane. To feel safe. Safe with someone. Someone like my gf. She knows more about me than anyone else. And I don't tend to tell anyone anything but her. Because I trust her. And I will never, ever vent to my parents because it will always turn into pity, a lecture or an argument. ................................................................................
Feel free to vent in the comments, it's a safe space. I'll try to give advice & comfort you guys. Proud of you all <3
