a life update (and advice), from the yote

Instructions

if working in retail has taught me one thing, it's that a lot of people are really. really. mean. i'm not gonna go on a whole spiel about how much i hate retail since this isn't really the point of this post so i'll just keep it simple. this job kinda sucks ngl so for context i work in a supermarket, sometimes as a cashier, but i'm mostly at the service desk. so naturally i get all the crazies who are upset because the sky is the wrong shade of blue, or yesterday's toast was a little too dark. whatever it is people get mad over. and some days it's funny. we'll share a laugh when the customer storms off, i'll scribble up a crude caricature of them, rip it to shreds, and then we move on. but some days it gets personal. some days a customer sees you and decides that it is your time. and despite your daily affirmations that you are a good employee and the rude things customers say to you mean nothing, you still find yourself running to your car and sobbing for 20 minutes before wiping your smudged eyeliner off your face and going back into work. it has taken a toll on me more than i thought it would. thanks, Bacon Lady! "ok yote, if you hate it so much, then why don't you just quit?" you might be asking. excellent question, my friend. the answer is simple: the job market *sucks*. my hours are consistent enough and I'm paid somewhat more than what most entry-level jobs offer nowadays, which is like, just above minimum wage. so unless i find a job opportunity that pays more than $15 an hour and i get more than 35 hours a week, i'm kinda stuck here for the time being. it's not awful all of the time. in fact, the majority of it is pretty chill. i like being at the service desk. me and my lovely coworkers just hang out and scroll on our phones or color most of the day. (i have become quite fond of sudoku). but when it's bad, it's BAD. it makes you want to quit your job and run into the forest and curl up in a ball and give up on life. last year was the worst for me. i would be working late hours and not get home until 12:30 am, and not fall asleep until 2. and then have a 3-hour lab at 8am and a 2-hour lecture at 12. almost every day. it was brutal. and ultimately, i flunked. the entire year. $8000 of tuition,hundreds of hours of working my tooshie off, and a thousand cups of expensive coffee, down the drain. was it my fault? sure, i can't really blame anyone but myself. am i a loser because of it? i mean... yeah, kinda. but i'm not here to just tear myself down. i'm here to make a point. that point being that life goes on. you're gonna have a bad school year. you're gonna have a job you hate. a mean boss. a customer that comes in every day to harass you. tasks that you absolutely can't stand. a dad that doesn't believe anything you say. friendships that end because they moved across the country. and for you, it will feel like life is not worth living. it will feel like your world is falling apart and no matter what you do, it will continue to get worse and you will be miserable for the rest of your life. but despite all of this, i kept on going. no matter what life decides to chuck at my face, i still manage to find something-- anything-- to look forward to. and it helps. a lot. an update for a game i play that i'm excited about. getting scheduled with my favorite coworker. remembering the next time i'll get to see my boyfriend again. heck, even just the thought of finding a cool new bug somewhere keeps me going. as cliche as it may sound, the little things in life make all the difference. stop and notice all the life around you, both the ordinary and unordinary, and appreciate it. hug your mom. take your dog on a long, calm walk. sip hot tea and listen to the birds. slow down. life doesn't have to be miserable all the time if you don't let it be. use the mistakes you've made in the past as a chance to grow as a person. you're only human, after all. so where am i now? well. better, i suppose. i don't work until midnight anymore, nor do i have 8am labs. i switched to community college so i don't have to pay tuition. i still love my boyfriend to pieces. and i'm working on figuring myself out and learning to be less hostile towards the people i care about the most. the road is rocky and not very easy to navigate (in a literal sense too, our roads are terrible in the midwest) but i'm still chugging along and getting by. so for all you youngins out there, remember that you are human, and that you will make mistakes along the way, and that's ok. that's part of life. and also, don't work in retail.