My first entry to @poeticden 's writing contest :) - 1,441 Words - Up / Down keys, scroll wheel, or touch-and-drag to scroll; or read below - Press C to view the cover - Please forgive any formatting errors; porting from Word to Scratch is hard T-T - Link to the companion piece: https://scratch.mit.edu/projects/1388840058/ --- Three Weeks Apart --- Carter stared at the dark ceiling as the phone rang. He waited a moment. Ring. Ring. He swallowed and prepared to recite his speech for voicemail—but his thoughts were interrupted. “Hello?” Kaitlin asked. “Uh, hi,” Carter replied in a whisper. His mouth was far too dry, and he was far too afraid, to speak up more. “Hey, how have you been?” He supposed it made sense that she’d ask. After all, it had been twenty-three days since they last talked. Part of him wanted to entertain the conversation, to just talk like they used to. But he knew he needed to get to the core of it. “I’ve been… Alright. Listen, I really need to talk to you.” She was silent for a moment. Carter could faintly hear the buzz of her ceiling fan, and a crinkling noise as she grabbed something. He smiled, just a little. She was probably getting caramels. Kaitlin always ate caramels when she was stressed. “Okay, what’s up?” she asked softly. Carter took a deep breath. “I just wanted to tell you that… I got in.” He squeezed his eyes shut. “You got in? Where?” “Everywhere,” he breathed. He said it quickly, rushing to get the words out. “I have my choice, any of the top schools in the country.” His heart pounded like a foreboding drum in the silence. He squeezed his eyes shut and waited for Kaitlin’s response. “Wow.” “Yeah.” She cleared her throat. “Well good job, that’s super impressive.” Carter rolled onto his side and pulled a pillow close. He wished he could be equally impressed with it. Or that the compliment was genuine. “Thanks,” he muttered nonetheless. Then she asked the question he’d been dreading. “Have you decided where you’re going yet?” “Not totally,” he admitted. “Well… UMC is always open,” she said hopefully. The words made his heart ache, each one hitting as a sharp blow. As charming as the antique, liberal arts university was, it had a very small computer science department. Aka, it had a self-taught, fifty-year-old man and a matching Macintosh. Honestly, Carter had still considered applying. He was used to learning on his own, anyways. But as much as he would love spending college with Kaitlin… It wouldn’t exactly be a good entry point to his career. So he replied to her honestly. “I mean… I’ve thought about it, but it’s not the top program on my list.” “If you say so,” she said with a sarcastic, dramatized sigh. “So which ones are?” “Um…” Carter swallowed. “I’ve been considering MIT, or Carnegie Mellon.” “Okay, wow. So you’re talking about the big ones.” He thought he’d made that clear earlier. “My philosophy is, ‘go big, or stay at home.’” “Yeah,” she said in that Kaitlin-specific tone. Carter knew that she was lost in thought, and definitely didn’t hear his last sentence. “So, how far away are those, anyways?” Carter winced. “Between eleven and nineteen hours, driving?” He honestly hated to say it. Hated the idea of moving that far away. But… It was a great opportunity, and he didn’t stand to lose much. He could hear her breath shake. “That’s… Really far,” she said. “Yeah, it is.” “So… I mean…” She couldn’t finish the phrase, but he knew exactly what she was asking. “I… Don’t know.” “I guess I just…” She heaved a sigh. “I never pictured you moving away.” “You did first,” Carter pointed out. She hadn’t even included him in the discussion. True, it had only been one semester so far; but it had been a rough one.
--- CONTINUED --- “Well… Well yeah,” Kaitlin admitted, “But I’m only three-and-a-half hours away. It’s still a day’s trip.” “Yeah, and you’ve still never visited,” he said with a hint of venom. There was a stretch of silence, broken only by a rustling bag, and he immediately regretted the words. “I know, I’ve been awful about that,” she said. Carter was about to apologize and argue her statement, but… Then came her familiar justification. “I’ve just been so busy. It’s not my fault, I just have no time.” There it was. He knew her schedule wasn’t overflowing with gaps. What hurt him more was just that… She didn’t make any. In an entire week, she could surely find one hour for a Zoom call. He reached over to his bookshelf and picked up the origami crane. It was green—his favorite color. She made it for him once, with writing on the inside folds. He only peeled back the paper just far enough to read the note; he couldn’t bear to unfold it. Sure, it had probably only taken her fifteen minutes. But it was creative, and sweet, and fifteen minutes that she’d spent for him. He just… Wanted that again. “I know your life’s really full and chaotic right now, and I don’t blame you for that,” he said, twirling the crane in his fingers, “I just… I wonder how hard it is to reply to a text here and there.” “Well… I…” she stuttered, “I’m sorry, sometimes I read them, and I just don’t have the energy to respond.” Carter sighed. He knew she got overwhelmed. And he tried to accept that and accommodate it. To help however he could. But it didn’t make things any easier. “But you can’t be getting upset at me,” Kaitlin said, “I mean, you’re certainly not helping things by moving a plane flight away!” “Well what reason do I have to stay?” he countered, hot tears slipping out of his eyes. He’d been trying to keep it in, but he knew the feeling would surface eventually. “I would’ve stayed, for you,” he whispered. “Except…” She waited a moment. “Except what?” “Except I don’t see where this is going,” he admitted, pressing his eyes closed and tearing a hand through his hair. “I believe that you enjoy our friendship. I even believe that you might have liked me once.” “I do.” Despite the somber tone, Carter chuckled to himself a little. It was nice to hear that for once, but he wished she’d said it earlier. “Okay, well I believe that,” he continued, “But… I’ve never felt like you loved me.” “What do you mean?” Kaitlin asked quietly. She tried to mask it, but Carter could hear her sniffling. “When you love someone, you show that. You make time for them. You give them a birthday gift, or a letter. Kaitlin, every step of our relationship, I’ve just been chasing you, playing hide and seek. And…” he swallowed hard, trying to hold in his tears, “And I’ve never felt important to you.” There was a long pause. When she spoke next, her speech was a little slurred by the candies in her mouth. “I’m sorry. I know I’ve been bad about talking. But I really do value our relationship.” “Yeah, but do you love me, Kaitlin? Do you actually care about my good?” He hated the bitterness of his own words, but he knew they needed to be said. “Or do you just care about the gifts? And the experience?” That was the hard part of liking someone first. Of having a crush on them for five stinking years. Of giving them candies, and paint markers, and a massive, overpriced axolotl plushie. He just couldn’t shake the question… If she really liked him, why did it take so long? Why did he have to work so hard? “Like… Did you actually want me, or did you just want a boyfriend?” She started crying. “I… I don’t know, honestly. Carter, I’ve been trying to figure this out, I’m just as confused as you are.” She sniffled loudly. “And I don’t really know what these feelings are or mean, I just… I know that this hurts.” His heart ached. He honestly didn’t want to be hurting her. It killed him to see her in pain. But at the same time… He’d been hurting for the past four months. And if she treats the people closest to her that way… Yeah, maybe it should be painful. No, no. He wouldn’t let himself think that way. He couldn’t wish anything bad on her. Love didn’t give up that easily. He could hear her starting to sob, and felt terrible for it. “I’m sorry,” he said in a softer voice. “I still care about you, you know.” An awful, warm feeling filled him. He shouldn’t have to reassure her of that. He’d never left any room for question before. She was still crying. How could he do this? “When I said I loved you, I meant it,” Carter tried. But he’d already gone too far. Kaitlin hung up.
