Hi! I'm Jaxy_Girl! And I wanna rant rn; it prolly won't make any sense, and I might regret sharing so much later on, but it's 1 a.m., and I have a heavy feeling in my chest, and I wanna sleep tonight. I'm biting my nails down to the skin, then biting the skin until the tips of my fingers bl33d, afterwards just biting my lip and cheeks, just for them to eventually bl33d as well. In a book club with my cousin bc I love her, but I don't actually read the book and just read the AI overview of the chapters I told it I was supposed to read. Do stuff behind my dad's back bc if I told him, I would never be allowed to do it. Staying up till about 2am every day, getting about 5 hours of sleep regularly, and all this while going to school 5 days a week, getting bullied by my math and science teacher, being self concious about dumb things, smiling all day even when i dont feel like it, being left out, talking to much, not talking enough, never knowing what people want from me "You should care more" "You try too hard" "It's not that big a deal" when all i want is to feel like i belong, but then i look at some of my friends probloms and think how much worse /i/ could have it, how easy my life is compared to others, and then i tell myself that my problems dont matter at all, and i feel stupid for ever believing that my little 6th grade problems could ever be worth anyones time, and so i keep it to myself thinking that if it rlly isnt that big a deal it'll go away, but it doesnt, and so i keep biting things until they bl33d i keep lying so that ppl around me arnt effected by my sloppyness, i keep smiling, i keep going, except only on the outside. Inside, I'm fighting with ppl in my head; I'm replaying embarrassing things I've done over and over, reminding myself how bad I did, telling myself to be better... when ik this is the best I'm gonna get...
