sometimes i'll lay awake at night, thinking, dreaming, about what maybe would've happened. what maybe would've happened if I had spoken up? what maybe would've happened if I had said something? what maybe would've happened if I hadn't, just stayed silent. but that's the thing, about fear. it forces you to be quiet. to shed many sorrow-filled tears. and maybe that's why I didn't say anything. maybe I was scared, because saying something made it more real. made it everything I feared. you were my best friend. truly, you were. so why did I stay silent? why didn't I say a word? thinking back on it now, I regret every choice. stupid fear. I should've used my voice. and the worst part? I didn't say goodbye. my best friend, my comfort, my pride... just died. and I miss you, y'know. everyday of my life. I miss calling your name, and hearing your bark. or throwing the ball for you, down at the park. I miss feeling your ears, the softest ones ever, and kissing your nose, light as a feather. I can still feel your heartbeat, when I'm up late at night. I can still feel your body, at the end of my bed. 'cause some memories dim like dying embers, but yours... yours is a fire that time remembers. so I'll lay here, and pretend you're here with me, and wonder, what maybe would've happened.
I'll be taking a break for a little while. I wonder if you layed there, searching for me. wondering if you'd done something, to anger me. looking, looking, till the bright lights dimmed. wondering where on earth, I might've been. but I promise, buddy, it wasn't you. it was me, and I love you.
