i wish things could have gone differently... I'm so sorry. would have made this longer, but my imagination is kind of burned out at the moment.
rant. i don't know what i'm even doing anymore, i keep trying and trying to be hopeful but its like i'm being drained for everything i have, i keep bringing problems onto myself and i try to fix them, but nothing ever works, i really don't know what to do anymore, i'm essentially stuck deep down at the bottom of the lake with nobody to pull me up, a slow agonizing death, that i can do nothing about but watch. life is life, it will go on, though i keep telling myself this is just a rough patch that's been going for many years, i hope that i can finally free myself from this mental prison i have set myself in, i know i need help, but nobody listens when i ask, i even was told i would get it,... * but nobody came. i give up man, what do you want from me universe? am i the donkey thar carries the straw? why is it so hard to want peace, its not like i want money or power or have hatred, all i want is to be in peace, but i'm stuck in a prison of my own making and i can't do anything about it. i'm trying to get back on scratch since i am in school again, but i don't know how that will go... i hope things change soon, as i'm stubborn and even if things are bad, i still hold on, even when i know it only results in nothing.
