ack oh goodness to gracious what are my coping mechanisms okay so something happened and I'm lowkey kinda scared (it's nothing serious like time to call the police serious just a bit of friend drama) because idk what to do about it so I guess overdoing my schoolwork and opening several unnecessary tabs is how I deal with it lol but idk mannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn and bro my deskpartnerfriend (idk man i think it feels kind one sided for both of us because it feels kinda awkward but idk if that's how they see it *IT'S NOT A CRUSH THING LET ME CLARIFY* but yeah) kinda pmo sometimes just a little bit but i don't want to say thattttttttttttt and then there's the first thing that i really don't want to specify is like yeah i'm super awkward around all my friends and one of them kinda said something and it bothered me but thankfully not with everyone there so i'm tryna forget about it so there's that, then one of my friends is also dealing with something and it's kind of freaking me out (again, not-in-a-police-need-to-be-involved way) so there's that, then there's my parents...i came out to my mom as non-binary (but not as biromantic) and idk how she feels about it but she let me make a pin with the flag on it so yeah...but my dad? idk man. from what i've seen lately, i don't think he's homophobic/transphobic, but before there were some things that hinted that he may not support me. so there's also that idk how to deal with, then there's my nana (grandmother) who works at my school and is watching me every chance she gets... and there's so many things i've been reliving mentally and it scares me and i don't want people to remember but then i feel even worse for wanting to make them forget then my mind just spirals into all these things and UGH OH MY FREAKING GOODNESS I SWEAR TO STARCLAN .......it just feels like things are going all wrong, and tomorrow's friday. one more day of school then it's the weekend, and i can hide in my room at my dad's place. but then i have a thing on saturday, and sunday there's church and a bunch of people are coming to my place and it's gonna be really stressful because only two of them know whatsup with me, and i won't be able to talk to them about it either way because everyone can hear everything and my parents know next to nothing about half of this stuff and i'll feel bad about making it about me and all that stuff. and i have student council stuff to do too, so i should probably stop writing this and go do that stuff.
