what now? - metalmarkmajesty srp

Instructions

wowe an srp. shes not evil right now no look at her thats the face of someone you can trust with your kits right guys -.if you want change, you must be the change.- metalmarkmajesty never expected to be stuck in this hellish space. never expected to be so alone. but she wasn't! she had a girlfriend now, her kits, her clan. so why was she alone? stuck in a never ending loop. this dream had gone on for too long. -dying leads nowhere without a guiding light.- she'd been convinced that it had finally ended moons ago, when xey had taken those herbs from Fishmothfrolic, and gratefully fallen asleep. but sleep was always tormented with licekit. with firepaw. with fireflyfortune. with austeritykit, bountifulkit, wingedkit, providencekit, lamentkit her loves the cats she truly could care for. but were they real? she'd been wandering a long time, glancing through the thick forest. it was dark. she fell through stages of a trance, wandering. it was difficult getting used to, but she'd had dreams like this before. where they didn't ever seem to end. she thought it would end when the wolves came, when her paw ended up like this. when sol nearly died. sol nearly died. she raised the crane for dozens of moons, watched them grow from a small hatchling all the way to towering over xem. but the wolf didn't care about that, neither did xeir mind. neither did xeir mind when it put them here. she remembered this place. she remembered sitting here, on this cliff, staring out into oblivion. leafhopperflight was dead. widowwatcher was dead. so many cats dead. was it because of her? she knew she caused the first bit of drama for sunspidersolace, with xeir lenient punishment the moment Delphine left. it wasn't her fault! she kept telling herself that. but it was, wasn't it?her fault for lunging at firepaw. her fault for lunging at licekit. it was her fault cats were exiled, wasn't it? wasn't it? it was her fault she was stuck wandering, leaving the cliff and weaving between branches, stepping around a frozen pond, she just wanted to wake up. for all of this to be over. to wake up in the warrior's den when Delphine was still leader, when she was still young. when she didn't have so much responsibility. -so if you're going to fight for what you believe in,- when metalmarkmajesty was young, she fought. her name wasn't 'normal', apparently. metalmark was just a strange title. a butterfly that couldn't possibly make sense. it looked just like a monarch. just like anything else. but she fought to defend xeir name. not once, but twice. first, against some kit who hadn't lived much longer. then she'd vowed to fishmothfrolic…paw to not do it again. she couldn't lay claws on her clanmates. it was against xeir own code. and she did it again. against her…rival? licekit didn't deserve it. but she fought him anyhow, and tried fixing her mistake! I'm sorry! Im sorry! Forgive me, please! I didn't mean to! It was a mistake! and it was her fault it progressed and he died. she held onto xeir promise for another few moons. she watched Delphine instruct the clan for moons listened and clung to the l̶o̶n̶e̶r̶ m̶o̶t̶h̶e̶r̶ c̶a̶r̶e̶t̶a̶k̶e̶r̶ l̶o̶v̶e̶r̶ r̶o̶g̶u̶e̶ cat's every word. she hoped it would make sense later. but it never really did. metalmarkmajesty never truly understood why and she continued on when Delphine left. when leafhopper left. and when she became a warrior, firepaw was xeir next victim. he had stepped over the border and initiated the fight. she was young. she was defending herself. a lie, like always. she'd provoked him too. so his gaze joined her nightmares. but xey did it for mossclan. xey did it for the right cause. so why was it a crime to love to protect to try? -you better win.- metalmarkmajesty never understood one thing why something was deemed bad just because it ended one story and continued another. she paused at the water's edge, crawling out to the middle of the frozen lake to the fishing hole xey had left there. metalmarkmajesty never truly understood why some mouse-brains in the sky got to decide who lived who lied who died who was leader maybe sastrugi had a point. maybe it was odd for leaders to dictate every living moment based on ancestors. and maybe it was odd for them to switch out so quickly but it was what kept the clans in line for each one to fix the mistakes the last one made, until there were no more mistakes to make. but no one was perfect. and maybe xey could change that. maybe xey could truly change and change it for the better. and it started with ridding the earth from the useless flesh that plagued it maybe it started with ridding a few pests. just a few. she plunged xeir face into the ice water, snapping xeir jaws and feeling the water cling to xeir muzzle stick to xeir face and eyes freeze. rid them.