"Hey. It really has been a while, mother. If that's even a working title for you, atleast from my perspective. I did think you cared about me once. I hoped you always would. But it looks like I was a fool for that hope. Houndsun was the one to tell me about Marigoldcherishs death. The fact that you all might just believe I have no care and I left just to make you all suffer is beyond me. Blaming me for the unfortunate failure of a medics healing skills, if there was a healing attempt at all-- is beyond me. You were meant to be my mother, Squirrelstar too, you know that? The two cats that were supposed to be there for me, no matter what. Yet, you would be perfectly fine with the clan taking my throat out because I have no interest in following the ways of the dark forest. I wanted to stay. I wanted to stay and support you, Squirrelstar, and all of my siblings. But you have to understand that any sane cat would leave a place that wouldn't hesitate to kill them just because they want to pursue a life of pacifism. You say I threw it all away. Look at your own actions first. I love my siblings more than anything. I wouldn't have left if you would've protected me, even if I refused the dark forest. I wasn't the one that slit that knot. It was /you/. Purityseeker would've stayed if not for your cruel ways. I would've stayed if you wouldn't have allowed the clan to threaten me with death. I wanted to hold that knot together. But your savage want for blood, or your defense of others want for blood, cut it. I wouldn't have been able to save him. I don't know what you might've put him through. But know that he probably fought a unnecessary fight that led to his death, a fight that should not have happened, just to prove himself to you. Like most of us wanted to do. But I can't say for certain, as he never told me. I never prioritized myself. I would try to get anyone away from your violence if I had to, even if it got me killed. I just wanted a safe place. So did Purityseeker. Our own parents didn't provide us with that. Despise me all you want, but you only have yourself to blame. I refuse to come back to a place like that. I only wish Craftysolace the best. She deserves only the best. So did Marigoldcherish. Yet, you and Urchinclans thirst for violence destined them for nothing but suffer and horror. Mossclan gave me a safer home than what you were ever capable of. Sure, it expects more work from me. But it doesn't matter if it'll earn me a good home. I hear some cats consider ivy to be a harmful plant. Not in the way of it being poisonous, because it isn't, but in the way of it's growth. Fast growing, and uncontrollable. The identity I could've had if I stayed and followed your values fits that description well. I would've grown up to be an uncontrollable, rage-filled monster. Like what Jellyfishhavoc has become, and what you are turning Beetlebite into. I never knew Eternalpaw. So I can't say I would've felt strong emotions, but I suppose my reaction would vary depending on who he was. My old kin was everything to me, and so was my old clan. But again, I won't stay in a place that wouldn't think twice about killing me if Starclan ever came into the picture. I wanted to hold that knot together. Our family. But you and I know Squirrelstar too-- took it all apart. The beautiful, new flowers that bloom in newleaf will coat the ground, signaling a change. A change for my life, for Puritys, and maybe yours. But I doubt it. I hope you don't forget me, Riverspirit. Don't forget what could've been, if it wasn't for you and Urchinclans hostility." your former son, lotusbloom. . . . please read riverspirits first love the angst song is uwa! so temperate by toby fox
