tws :: a panic attack + death mentions meaningless mean-ing-less - having no meaning or significance. - — the morning started out calmly she woke up as the sun rose, as usual but it didn't open it's eyes, keeping them shut for just a couple moments longer. The breathing of sleeping cats reached it's ears, but even the familiar sound brought nothing. It's heart ached. ached with heartbreak, with a mother's sadness to be separated from it's children, ached with loss. It's head hurt from all the crying, all the loneliness. so it drew a deep breath, raising it's head. The others were still sleeping. it wanted to look down to it's side to find eight little kittens sleeping, eight little smiles, eight pairs of eyes, but there was nothing. no sunfall, no aspen, no glacier, no lullaby, no peace, no return, no tangled, no masquerade. She wished to turn to find Sora, to find anyone familiar that she loved, but was greeted with nothing. Coralchalcedony had gone out- to do what was lost to Sastrugi. She felt so alone, so unloved, it hurt. It hurt so badly. Oh how she wished Maplestar was still alive, to see her smile, to hug her. Or that Glacial was, and then maybe she could turn to it's brother in the hopes of talking about cloud's problems. Or that Sora was still here, a smile on her golden face, staring at Sastrugi with those same, beautiful, caring blue eyes. Sora would listen, wouldn't she? But did Sora even love cloud? She couldn’t have had loved snow if she left it. However, it would be better then sitting in it’s own misery. Sora had to love her, she had to, right? The I love yous weren't lies? Saturn would rise slowly to it's paws. The den felt suffocating. Oh so suffocating. Like she had no air. It's chest felt tight. What was happening? Tears began to run down it's face. What had she done to deserve this. So many loved ones gone. All of it's kits in a place she couldn't go, couldn't check on, couldn't visit. What had she done? Had she done something so horrible she deserved all of the heartbreak? Would anyone ever tell her what she did, what had happened, why this is happening? It didn't matter. All of the suffering was meaningless, wasn’t it? The tears were meaningless. But then why couldn't the pain stop? - — sastrugi gets a panic attack :( dead girls by Penelope Scott
