final draft: https://scratch.mit.edu/projects/1380332850 total 1833 words That night was a sleepless one. Maybe it was ‘cause I had too much coffee the day before or it mighta been ‘cause I actually had been nervous. Either way I was tired the next day. It was like every other first day. I showered thoroughly the night before and picked out an outfit that went really well together, got up early enough to do a good job of getting ready for the day and knew it wasn’t gonna last. The day was pretty anti-climatic really. I had already seen the building and met all my teachers the week before at orientation and knew who was in all of my classes. It was really just school like normal except we did a bunch of get-to-know-you stuff instead of actual work. I hate get-to-you-know-you-stuff, it makes me feel freaking boring. I ate lunch with the same people I did in middle school, minus a few people who went to other schools. It really seemed a lot like middle school except I was now the rookie. One thing that kinda sucked though was that I really didn’t have too many classes except for French with any of my friends. Mostly I had a few classes with Toni, who could be friendly, but was really competitive and very studious. She reminded me of a machina Anyways she was closer with Tamara who was in all of the classes I had with her. Another girl, Joanna who I sorta knew was in a few of my classes and Angela, who I had been pretty good friends with in seventh grade. Angela’s best friend, Kasey, went to MLK, and Angela was kinda lonely, kinda lost, missing Kasey, and she knew me so she ended up clinging on to me if you know what I mean. She asked where I had been at lunch and that she had been looking for me. And things fell into rhythm. When I got to school Angela would be waiting for me and then we would hang around the main building with the girls we ate lunch with and talk until it was time to go to class. I’d lunch with the same people from middle school and I wouldn’t listen to their conversation because I was talking to Angela who was eating half my food, because she didn’t like the school lunch. And the other girls never really talked to us I guess. But we sat there anyway because they were who I ate lunch with. And after school me and Angela would head to Starbucks with them, down the block from school and do some of our homework together. Angela was in my French, math and English class so that’s what we did together. She was kind of behind in French and math and I was pretty good at both of them, so mostly it was me helping her. We sat with the girls we ate lunch with in Starbucks who did their homework there too, because I guess we were part of that group even though we were kinda doing our own thing. Sometime during the second week, me and Angela were talking about something, who knows what, we had high floating, crazy conversations about all kinds of stuff. You know I’d give her a hard time about something, and she'd say something back that was supposed to be a comeback or something but it never made any sense. Anyways, we ran into Joanna who was a couple girls I didn’t know but they were in a few of my classes. And we started up a conversation, and the girls’ names were Araceli and Lakisha and I really liked them and we would talk in class and when we saw each other. I hadn’t realized it before but they sat at the table next to ours in the cafeteria, with another girl, Sommer, who I sorta knew from middle school and really liked talking to. Sommer was just one of those people who you could talk to and really be honest. She got it. I didn’t find that in a lot of people. With a lot of people I felt like I had to be nice. None of the girls I sat with at lunch for sure. There was a girl, Tricia, from middle school, who went to MLK who I could really have a conversation with. Since she lived pretty far away, whether she was at her mom or dad’s house, I would call her up a lot and we would have high floating, crazy conversations about all kinds of stuff, but not like ones with Angela. Since school had started, we hadn’t talked as much though. During the summer we would call every day, but now I called maybe once a week when I remembered. And it was different too. It almost felt forced. She had been real good friends with Jesse and Dena, and I liked Jesse and Dena, they were feisty. And I knew them and would talk to them and Tricia in middle school, and I tried to talk to them sometimes, but they just didn’t get me. And I guess I just didn’t get them either.
The girls I ate lunch with started up a bible study on Tuesday mornings before school that I was a part of last year. I really wasn’t very religious, but they invited me and I thought I should go since I didn’t have any reason to stop. I didn’t really say much, I mostly just listened. And nobody ever asked what I thought either, so I really didn’t talk at all. I thought about inviting Angela, but I didn’t think she would like it. That year my birthday was on a Monday, it was a little less than a month into school being in the beginning of October. I made cookies and brought them to school. I shared them with our table, but there was a ton so I ended up giving some to Joanna, Araceli, Lakisha and Sommer and whoever else asked. It really was a good day. Araceli and Sommer decorated my locker. They used red wrapping paper, glued big black block letters on to say “Happy 15th Birthday, Connie!”, and glued a really sweet card that Joanna, Araceli, Lakisha and Sommer all wrote in. The girls I ate lunch with also signed the card. As much as I hated being the center of attention, it kinda felt nice to be noticed. Araceli got me some really nice black gel pens that didn’t bleed through. Lakisha gave me a shirt from The Breeders, Joanna got me some really nice stationery and Sommer gave me the book The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath and Angela gave me some candy from Mexico you couldn't get in the U.S. I really liked and sang me a song. It made me really happy, because I really loved all the gifts. None of it was cash or anything like that. They told me I should come to Common Grounds, a coffee shop a few blocks from the school, which I had never been to before. And it sounded nice, but I took Angela to Starbucks and we did our homework there because that’s what we did. When I got home, my grandmother was waiting for me. She and my mom were probably talking about me and my brothers and all our “problems”. My mom was making pizza, the way she had learned from her grandmother. She made the best pizza I ever had. I sat down and listened. My grandmother was telling my mom how things were changing. I guess you start to feel like that when you get old and widowed and remember the way the world was like sixty years ago and the people you know start going away. I don’t think I wanna get old. We had dinner, and it was like always. My grandmother said a ton of stuff, half of which was cuckoo and my mom laughed so hard she cried. And my brothers and dad weren’t really paying attention. Then we had cake, a small chocolate one we got from the store. We put some candles in it. They were the kind that would go out and light again. It reminded me of the Fourth of July when we had been messing around with fireworks and one flew into my face. Luckily my hair stopped from reaching my face. But my hair was all burnt and ruined and I got a haircut, which I actually really liked. I had had the same haircut for years. And we opened presents. It really was a good day. One day, while I was doing my homework, the phone rang. I went to go pick it up. It was Rachael calling to tell me they were gonna be doing a Where’s Waldo theme this year, with red and white striped shirts and beanies. I said okay and thank you and hung up. I knew Angela wasn’t part of the plan, but it was what I had always done. I went back to doing my homework and when I finished I felt like listening to music. I pulled out the cassette my grandmother had made me for my birthday with the help of my mom. It was her favorite songs that she wanted me to listen to. And I had listened to it a couple times before while I was doing things, but I hadn’t really listened to it. And laying in my bed, listening to the first song, I thought about my grandmother and how she was always talking about how things were changing, always trying to remember the past. And I thought about how she always seemed very unhappy, holding on to the past like that. And I thought about how I sat at lunch with the girls not because I liked them, but because I had always before. And how I had had the same haircut for years and when I finally cut it I really liked it. And how I did the same thing with my makeup because it’s what I did, even though I didn’t really like it. I thought about how I didn’t want to dress up as Waldo and how I didn’t like Starbucks and how I really liked Joanna and Lakisha and Araceli and Sommer and Angela, I didn’t really like Rachael and Edith and Marianne and Toni and Tamara and Lauren and Sofia and Dominique. And how me and Tricia had drifted apart and me and Jesse and Dena didn’t really know each other. And how I didn’t like going to bible study on Tuesday mornings. And how I really wanted to go to Joanna’s Halloween party, and I really wanted to sit with Araceli and Lakisha and Joanna and Sommer. And how I really wanted to do smokey eyeshadow. And how I really wanted to do my homework at Common Grounds. And how it was time to let go.
