hey.. I don’t know how to start this off so I guess I’ll just rant. I have been diagnosed recently with an anxiety disorder. It’s nice to have an explanation for what I feel, but this doesn’t make it any better. My mental health fluctuates a lot, I don’t know why. I can have good stretches where I seem to be normal, but then a day later, maybe a week later, even a month later, I’ll be right back where I started and with no reasoning. Right now I’m in one of those bad stretches and it’s really really bad. I can’t even go a day without anxiety attacks, and I have to bring fidgets to school to keep from panicking, but it’s starting to get really bad on some days where even those don’t help. I want to start therapy but I have zero time and do not want to pressure my parents to spend even more money on me, as they are already paying for my sister’s expensive college tuition. I just feel like a total mess and really guilty about not being able to help my friends as much as I should. I feel overwhelming paranoia and desperation to prove myself. Like it’s really hard to describe and I don’t want to rant too much. So if you hadn’t assumed already, im taking a VERY long break from here and maybe won’t come back. Thanks to all my friends for supporting me so much… I don’t know if they are okay with me naming them online since they’re all irl friends but I can name like 30 people off the top of my head. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. -Sophia
song is cigarette smoke by olivia rodrigo
