TW: caps ig I hate venting about my personal life. But I don't know what else to do anymore because my parents didnt help at all when I asked initially. Long story short. My partner. Was sent to a m3nt4l h0sp1tal for the THIRD TIME THIS YEAR. FOR A THIRD. She was released this last wednesday. And I'm pretty sure shes coming back to school tomorow. Sometimes I dont realize how badly something affects my mental health until its about to happen. She had the audacity to send me an "apology letter" after: masking being okay for MONTHS— LIED TO MY FACE FOR MONTHS, and tried running away. And it WASNT EVEN AN APOLOGY. There isnt "im sorry" ONCE IN IT (theres a picture of it. Youll have to zoom in to read it.) Her father isnt a good person. I understand that. But she PURPOSEFULLY hid from me after I told our parents about her trying to c0mm1t the FIRST TIME. Because she didnt want me to stop her from TRYING TO K1lL HERSELF. She broke an entire wall of trust. She has to rebuild that trust with me because I don't have the mental health to deal with dating right now because of her. I feel horrible about myself because like, why am I venting here? Why aren't I venting to one of my dozen other friends I have? Well not only is my partner dealing with this. My OTHER best friend tried SH and got sent to a normal hospital and is going to be in a therapy thing for WHO KNOWS HOW MANY MONTHS. That and I never want to vent to anyone else because theyll get worried why im NOT venting to them. But I don't want to get into anymore school drama then I ALREADY HAVE. Because guess what? I'M always the therapist, I'M always the problem solver, I'M always the one who interferes with absolutely everything. And when I don't? I'M LIED TO EVEN MORE. Because I'm the "innocent little angel who's OBLIVIOUS TO ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING ON THE FACE OF THE GOD DAMN EARTH." And I hate it. I hate it so much and I'm so tired of it. I hate how hard it is to catch up with my identity. I hate how I always feel like a magnet to some of the most horrible stuff. I hate that I'm autistic It almost makes me feel horrible to even feel like this because of everyone of my friends. I probably have the best family of all of them. My parents are actually good, supportive people. Hah.. I guess my masking didn't go away. If you notice I always seem jolly and alright. Guess I don't follow my own advice haha.. I dont even remember why I started writing this. Nobody here will be able to help me directly. Ig I just need someone to listen idk. HAHA– OR YOU CAN JUST IGNORE THIS– YEAH THATS FINE TOO—
For anyone who got worried. No. I'm not going to hurt myself. I think its a bad coping mechanism and even if I wanted to I wouldn't be able to bring myself to it. But frankly, I'm not okay.
