so yet again i’m depressed :D i have stuff to do that i’m not doing i have to do an art trade i have some animatics to do i feel like i disappoint literally everyone i feel like i’m going insane notice how all these sentences start with “i” i i i i i it’s always “i” because we’re all caught up in ourselves depression sucks you feel more selfish than usual you feel like you’re insane you feel like everyone hates you like they’re just pretending to like you because they feel bad and you get upset when you argue with somone when you know you started the goddamn fight in the first place even if you didn’t mean to so then you feel even worse and you lay on your bed or couch or sit in a chair and stare at nothing for minutes or for hours you loose track of time you procrastinate i know i do i’m tired i’m sick i’m sick and tired of people i’m sick and tired of always being the one asking “how are you?” and “are you feeling better?” i’m always the one checking in on people, reaching out first, making sure people get help and feel loved i don’t find myself getting that in return often i get asked why i write such depressing and horrific stories take a guess life is depressing life is horrific the human brain is fried it’s wired badly everything is just bad wiring when it comes down to it and your parents will probably say “it’s just teenage angst, i went through that too” that doesn’t make it any better it makes it worse they tell me “you went to therapy, you got what you needed out of it, we can’t do SO MANY things” well let me tell you, i went to three goddamn therapy sessions in 6th grade and it didnt do anything i don’t feel healed i don’t feel cured i feel bad and “we can’t do so many things” is a bad excuse, just say you don’t want to admit i need help apparently saxophone lessons, and an art class is “SO MANY THINGS” i feel like a bad person maybe i am maybe i’m not i can’t ever know for sue bc no one is ever honest with me, everyone has opinions and biases my eyes feel heavy all the time i want to draw more i want to do good in school i want to be a good friend i want to be a good daughter i want to like someone and i want someone to like me i need to feel some sort of validation well hopefully the art i owe someone will be completed soon i can promise you guys it’s not as bad as it seems my brain dramatizes things
