vent playlist

Instructions

" what's the point of doing anything when I fully know how worthless I am? " the longer this goes on the more I see myself in characters I thought I never thought I would. and not in a good way, obviously. broken spawn, sayori, ivan ... and ... booker specifically.... I don't think ... these are characters I should relate to. but I do,,,,,, so,,! yaey,,,,! I'm so lonely at my moms house I hate it here I can't talk to anybody except on scratch and I don't get many notifications so I just sleep and hope that it's the next day so that I can get to my dads house faster......yeah it.....doesn't work.... I don't want people to feel forced to talk to me. but I feel like i'm annoying for how much I try to make conversation with others. I just want to talk about random cr@p that doesn't even matter. like my ocs. or ... phighting lore,. I love talking about it with others! but deep down I know that they don't actually care about it. I know they don't care about some stupid characters I made up or some game that I like to play. that's okay. my mom always gets angry about my hygiene and it isn't helping. I struggle with it and she's convinced it's just me being lazy. like maybe talking with me instead of getting all pissed would be a better solution? not only this but I feel like tells me to do things not because I need to, but just because she knows it makes me angry. sometimes I feel like people, just because they're your parents, think that they can tell you what to do. and the unfortunate thing is: they can. and that's exactly the problem. parents think that because they have that power over you, they can do whatever they want with you. they forget we aren't some robot that bends at their will. some parents don't deserve the power they are given. some parents don't deserve the title of 'parent' at all. but they're given it anyways. and it's unfair. but we aren't allowed to do anything about it. we can't speak out about it because we get punished for having our own opinions. for not sharing the same thoughts as them. whatever "fair" is to them, isn't "fair" to us. we aren't allowed to discover things for ourselves or . . . do things . . . because we're held back by them. they have so much power over us and we can't do anything. it can be a good thing. but most of the time? it isn't. I can't even speak out against things in my own house. my mom is SO childish. just because she's angry she takes it out on her kids. and most of the time, that's me. she wonders why I hate her house so much, but doesn't even SEE the way she acts. it's like she's trying to see how long I can take it before I break and sn at her. like she wants a reaction of any kind just so she can take things away from me. unfortunately she told me the next thing she takes away will be my SKETCHBOOK. you know, the thing I use to express myself and draw instead of .... yk? yeah. exactly that. I need to stop. I told her that I threw it away. and I did. I tried so hard but I failed and came right back to it. my grades are fine. my school life is going well. so then why am I so unhappy? why does life have to feel like such a chore? math...i'm doing fine in it this year. my grade this semester was so much better than my first semester grade last year. I thought I would finally be happy. maybe I would finally be able to take a break and be proud of myself. but I can't. and i'm not proud. I feel like such a burden on other people. I feel like I vent constantly and I don't want them to worry. but I have worried them. I don't want them to care about me. I don't want them to feel like i'm another person they're forced to take care of. but they probably do. and i'm sorry. I don't want you to feel like you have to listen to my problems. they're so little and you have so much more to worry about than some stupid thing that upset me. yeah yeayahhhhhhhhhhyeeyyh yhheyhyh jnuyh53fuuuuekoswhyhhhhhhhhhhhyyyyyyyyyy I'm gonna go watch flamingo I have a headache