THE KROMER KRONICHALS Chapter 1: The Italian, The Gremlin, and The Salesman Peppino Spaghetti was sweating. Not normal sweat—this was high-velocity, marinara-scented anxiety radiating off his chef’s hat in visible steam waves. He was screaming at a brick wall because a singular pepperoni had fallen onto the floor. "WHY DOES-A EVERYTHING I LOVE DIE?!" Peppino roared, his eyes spinning like slot machines. "WOAG!" The Noise dropped from the ceiling, landing directly on Peppino’s head while playing a deafening riff on a golden flying-V guitar. He wasn't even plugged into an amplifier, yet the sound was shattering the nearby windows. "Hey, pizza-boy! Nice face! Mind if I use it as a trampoline?!" "GET OFF-A MY HEAD, YOU GREY-SUITED GREMLIN!" Peppino grabbed The Noise by his mustache and slammed him into a nearby trash can. Before the trash can could even register the impact, it burst open to reveal a tiny, vibrating man in a white suit with pink and yellow glasses. "ATTENTION [[Valued Customer]]!" Spamton G. Spamton screamed, throwing handfuls of expired coupons into the air. "ARE YOU TIRED OF [[Sinking Into A Void Of Despair]]?! DO YOU WANT TO TASTE THE EXQUISITE FLAVOR OF [[Hyperlink Blocked]]?!" Peppino froze, his eyes widening to the size of dinner plates. "What-a the hell is this? Is it a small-a pizza topping? A mechanical rat?" "He looks like a puppet that got run over by a lawnmower!" The Noise cackled, hopping out of the trash can and poking Spamton with a breadstick. "Hey, tiny man! Do you squeak if I squeeze you?!" "DON'T TOUCH THE [[Merchandise]], YOU [[Yellow-Suited Buffer Error]]!" Spamton hissed, his jaw unhinging completely to reveal a tiny neon sign that read CLOSED FOR REPAIRS. "I AM A MAN OF THE [[Pipis]]! A MAN OF THE WIDE WORLD WEB!" (To be continued for 30 more grueling, nonsensical, Kromer-filled chapters of THE KROMER KRONICHALS...)
