warning 13+ or whatever i don’t wanna copy and paste the thingy again (actually) TW!! Chapter 9: Severed L could and couldn’t believe it. On the one hand, Shinji had always been suspicious. He always had that kind of misanthropic stare that made even L nervous. On the other hand, Shinji seemed weirdly…. gentle, when he was around L. And almost all of his coworkers. How could he bring himself to k1ll someone? It dawned on L that Shinji was most likely the mvrderer for all the other people who had d1ed recently. It made him sick to his stomach. His guilt was intense and everlasting. Had he not been thorough enough? If he’d been smarter, less opinionated, would he have caught Shinji earlier? Save the others from d3ath? Save Shinji from Shinji’s own mind? What if? What if? L stood up so fast his chair fell backwards. “Takakura-san!” He yelled, running out of the office. Takakura was running down the hall at the same time, yelling, “Ryuzaki!” Seems they both had seen the undenying evidence. “Where is Kazama!” “We don’t know! We sent a squad to his apartment! He wasn’t there!” “Damn it!..” L and Takakura ran down the hall, to the next office, filled with officers. “We need to find him before he gets far!” Takakura said, immediately instructing the officers. “Track his phone!” L stared wide-eyed at the screens in front of him that were booting a tracking sequence to find Shinji Kazama’s location. “Damn it…” L muttered, breathing heavily. “Damn, damn, damn-…” He didn’t want this to be true. Why? He had no clue, and that terrified him even more. All he knew was that he needed to find Shinji. ~ Shinji Kazama stood on a metro platform, his old, professional clothes swapped out long ago for a simple white shirt and black pants. His eyes stared at the metro tracks in front of him with dull, hollow, empty eyes. There was little behind them anymore. There was nothing for them to see. The vibrant green of one, the cool blue of the other, had been dull and faded till you could barely tell the colors apart. His neat, brown hair was messy and uncombed, falling in curly heaps around his face and forehead. He breathed shakily, knowing that in just a few minutes, he’d be caught. Oh well. Why not? Kotone was gone. He had no one left, to love or to k1ll. He had nothing. A small smile emerged on his lips. He’d enjoy seeing Ryuzaki one last time, at least. A moment of confusing happiness before his freedom was ripped away. Ryuzaki. The detective who was actively trying (and succeeding) at catching Shinji. And he was the only person Shinji felt worthy of seeing anymore. It was funny. So funny, and so disgusting. Why was it disgusting? Shoes clicked fast behind Shinji. “Kazama-san.” A voice said. Shinji turned around slowly. “Hello, Ryuzaki. Nice seeing you.” Shinji said. L stared at him. The rest of the police had yet to catch up with him somehow, though he knew they’d be there soon. Might as well have one last conversation. “I wouldn’t call the circumstances nice,” L said with a huff of a laugh. “But nevertheless, nice seeing you as well.” Shinji smiled. “So. You’ve figured it out.” “Yes. I’m guessing you deliberately didn’t cover up the fingerprints.” “Nope. As always, you’re correct.” “I’ve not been correct this entire case, if I’m being honest. Why did you do it?” “What, leave the fingerprints or k1ll those people.” People. So Shinji just confessed to multiple mvrders. “Both, I suppose,” L answered. “Though start with why you k1lled them.” Shinji tilted his head thoughtfully. “I k1lled them….. because I’m a sick person, I guess.” “I already knew that much. There’s always another motive. Childhood trauma?” “Some.” “Example?” L laughed inwardly at the sheer ridiculousness of this situation. He was asking a k1ller why he k1lled people, and the k1ller was willingly confessing. “Eh, my dad left with that Makoto lady when I was little. Made my mom start drinkin’ a lot, hitting me around too. Some stuff in a foster home after she d1ed too.” “Well, sorry that happened.” “It’s in the past.” “Funny you say that. Didn’t you k1ll Makoto because of a grudge from the past?” “You got me there. I ain’t gonna be here much longer, might as well d1e with one less regret.”
L’s eyes widened. “Why do you say that? You won’t be sentenced to d3ath. What do you mean?” Shinji said nothing. His green eye was still dull. His blue one had a slight color returned. That small smile was still there. More shoes clicked behind L, who stared at Shinji with a profound sadness. “Kazama. What do you mean.” He repeated slowly, quietly. The metro’s horn sounded close by. It would arrive in thirty seconds. L signaled for the officers to stay back. Shinji smiled at L. “Ryuzaki. Your hair came undone.” And he tied it back once more. And pulled L into a hug. L stood frozen for a moment, before his hands came up to hold Shinji as Shinji laughed through a sudden sob. L realized at that moment that Shinji was crying. “Shinji?..” “Thank you for your patience, Ryuzaki.” Shinji sob-laughed. “And your weird kindness. You looked so closely at me to find something…. I forgot what it felt like to have someone look at just me.” Another horn. “Shinji-..Come with me, you can-” L had started crying himself. “The train’s coming.. and she’s waiting on the other side…Hah……thank you for chasing me home.” Shinji pulled out of the hug, stepping back, closer to the edge of the track. “Shinji!” L yelled, reaching out. Shinji smiled. “Don’t let your eyes turn d3ad like mine, Ryuzaki. Stay human. Someone has to…” L tried to grab Shinji as the police force started to rush forward. He missed. He missed by an inch. And Shinji fell back, off the ledge. In front of the moving train. Epilogue: Well, I’m back. Did you miss me? Probably not. If you haven’t already figured it out, I was your narrator in the very beginning introduction. My name is L Lawliet. Yes. Just one letter. The Tokyo Cyclical Mvrder Cases were… life changing. Funny how Shinji Kazama’s dying wish was that I stayed human, and I have become a monster I fear more than d3ath. My guilt overwhelmed me, and therefore cut off all my emotions. I’ve become immoral. Sick and twisted, perhaps? I’d like to not put too much thought into it. After, I’ll be d3ad myself shortly, and I’ll have already been d3ad when anyone reads this. I’d like to d1e with one less regret, and my biggest regret would be lying at the very end. I don’t want to be remembered (if I am remembered at all) as someone who was “right”. Only the living have any regard for who is right and wrong. Let me give you some words of wisdom from my wise, twenty five year old self. Number one, the d3ad don’t care. They’re d3ad. Gone. They aren’t conscious. They’re gone forever, and they don’t care what you do or what you think of them. Take that as you will. Number two, there is no right or wrong. You can justify either side. ‘Why did you k1ll that person?’ ‘Because I was bored!’ The answer, whether it was morally wrong or right, was valid. They were bored. That is their answer. Everything can be justified with even the most idiotic reasoning. So no, I do not want to be remembered as someone who was right. I want to be remembered as someone who tried. Who struggled with the cost of their work. The toll of a man who dedicated himself to justice, only to become the monster he feared. Shinji Kazama was not a born k1ller. He was driven to insanity by the slow collapse of hope, morals, and meaning. So I too have collapsed. I am insane. I admit it. In the end, when all is said and done, I am just a man. I’m just a man. I just want to be remembered as a human, who tried his best, and broke under the pressure. story: pandasans765 art:pandasans765 plot:pandasans765 song: as the world caves in i’m genuinely crying the song and the story i can’t believe that it’s over i never thought i’d finish it as the earth burns to the ground……
