Grief is weird, sor had figured that out moons ago, she had thought she had been better, thought they hadn't affected her, she could see marshbirds ans not be nestbound for days, could see feathers and not wish she had forced briarpaw to the med den, could see sunflowers and miss her sister, and be stronger by it. . . . But she wasnt. . . . She saw 3 kits, fur fluffed and eyes alight, they reminded her of them. And she broke down, broke down because it wasnt them, it wasn't Marshbirdrequium who had taken her out for her first voyage, or her stoic older sister, who loved her dearly, or her first friend. The one who never made it past kithood, it wasnt them, they weren't alive to be here, they weren't alive to have kits or grow old or go to a gathering or participate in a war, they wouldn't be able to meet Truffle'trouble, or her future kits, or any cat she loved and cared about. She wasnt even sure she's see them again in the darkforest or whatever afterlife awaited her.... . . . What struck her hard was that they were gone, and she was still there, still growing still learning things /they/ should be learning too, how to love how to care the joys of feeding your clan, minus marshbird ofcourse, but still, they had died so young! They never got to see half their life through before it was stripped from them! It wasnt fair! Not fair at all!why did every cat she loved eitherbe stripped away from her, exiled or k!ll3d! Was this some kind of punishment for something? What had she done to deserve this, and who was next? Craftysolace? Truffletrouble? Freckleserenity? Constellationpaw? Gorseshell? Twilight? What had she done to anger the gods!? Why were they targeting her!? And who would be next!? . . . She had always known grief was forever, it was a monster, constantly running, constantly hunting, ready to bite you when you least expected it, it could strike in camp in your nest while your taking a stroll, it never stopped and no cat could out run it, it was a tyrant who didn't care about pain...... the pain of loving someone so deeply it felt like your own soul was ripped out by peices as they left, ray feared she had no soul left after them.... Why did it hurt to love someone? Just for them to d13?
