sharp exhale. (please don't violate guidelines pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease)

Instructions

idk what is going on w my life man. I think I'm a guy. but I lwk dont know I realized I lwk hate 2 of my friends but now I like one of them again but they're both attention seeking and I hate ppl like that I have like only 1 actual friend who I can be honest with bc she won't tell anyone personal stuff. the others would lwk tell but the difference is that one would apologize and genuinely feel bad and the other would say I'm overreacting and not g4f. my sister is slowly turning into one of those stuck up attention seeking tasteless humorless passive aggressive "preppy girls" and it's driving me mad I always wanted to be popular but nobody really liked me enough for that and its just killing me to watch everyone effortlessly achieve what I always desired ig. I have 4 people in my friendgroup, who, for the sake of privacy, i'll call May, Sara, Olivia, and Julia NOT THEIR REAL NAMES IF ONE OF THESE IS YOUR NAME COOL IG BUT I DON'T KNOW ANYONE NAMED ANY OF THOSE NAMES I DON'T KNOW YOU. I don't rly talk to Julia that much like we're chill but we just don't have a lot in common. Olivia moved here last year and shes the one who I said would say I was overreacting. SHE always overreacts and tries to get attention. she always tries to act like she's special. she's from a different country and English is her second language, which is fine ofc I'm not weird but she always tries to like rub it in our face ig? like she always talks about how in her old country she had to walk for SOOOO LONGGG to get to school and school was 8.5 hours there. she also says she never gets cold and she always talks about it. like ok I lived in a different country for a while too. i'm bilingual too. I had school for 8 hours there. sure i've mentioned it once or twice while talking about living there but I don't talk about it 24/7. her whole personality is basically being from [country]. I talked to her about maybe taking in down a notch and she got angry at me. she also constantly says how she hates the US and I don't like the things happening here either but she takes it too far sometimes (can't say what she said bc of guidelines). she's also kind of self-centered. my friend Sara was telling her how her dad d13d and then Olivia started talking about her family instead of listening to and consoling Sara. And she does that all the time. she's not a bad person but she won't listen to anyone and she's not fun to be around. I really want to be friends with her because if you look past the negative stuff, she's really funny and nice, but everything just makes it difficult. May is one of my other friends. I'm being honest when I say that she is the most kind and caring person i've ever met. She is very selfless and she tries to make everyone feel included. That's what gets me though. Not the fact that she's super kind, but the including thing. Now wait and hear me out. Her intentions are good. I know how it feels to be left out of everything. I had friends who ignored me every day for about 2 years until I met Sara and I left their group. But her methods are weird. Something about May is that she also had toxic friends who called her ugly and just were horrible to her. She also has ocd, adhd, and extreme anxiety. she's extremely clingy. I can kind of relate to her except for the clingy and OCD thing (I think I might have OCD :( but I don't want to self diagnose before seeing a professional) I know that all these things affect her but she makes me extremely uncomfortable sometimes. she sometimes follows me around, won't give me personal space, or won't leave me alone even when I express my dislike towards these things. I started to avoid her due to this but I know she's well intentioned and I feel bad. I talked to her about it yesterday and she explained why she did what she did and I told her what I felt about it and it's resolved now, but I have the feeling that it's gonna happen again no matter what I do I can't prevent it. different topic; she also started writing an owl house fanfic (she didn't even know what fanfic was until I asked her if it was fanfic) and I'm just happy about that idk :,) she also is attention-seeking. she got an MRI and her knee is fractured and she also apparently doesn't have this tendon that is really bad to tear or something idk but she basically tells everyone she meets about those things. it happens with every other subject. I feel ungrateful for noticing these things but idk. My other (psst and favorite) friend is Sara. She's chronically online, she likes grunge style, she's alterhuman, I think she's probably some flavor of gay I mean she has a wolfcut with dark red streaks in it and she wears a ton of eyeliner and mascara SHE LITERALLY TOLD ME SHE LIKED A GIRL ONCE IN 4TH GRADE IDK!!!!! not trying to stereotype anyone/anything btw lol! I feel like I can be the most honest with her out of any of my friends. continued | V