I don't know if this may be a tw or cw but uh this is an update/inactivity notice/rant as many of you know by now, I am an atheist. my parents are devote Christians. and as I have stated before, I do respect Christianity. I respect all religions and practices. Saturday, I am going to another youth rally at my church and will be inactive all day as it is from 10 to 7. I really hate going to church and these church events because I always have to lie and pretend that I believe in these things when I don't. I have lied my whole life. I lied about getting 'saved' and my mom is now talking to me about getting baptized. I also immediately have headaches and feel sick whenever I step inside my church. I'm not sure why this happens. it seems like most of the church knows about me and what happened over 2024-25 and I just feel uncomfortable that people I don't really know have been told of those things that happened. it was my business and should have stayed in my family. now I may be wrong and just overthinking but idk. I'm exhausted of lying and its just so mentally draining. I came back to live with my mom November 2025 and my mental health gradually got better but now its honestly worse. now, I'm not writing this to get sympathy or pity, I just need to write this down to get it off my chest. I am a transgender gay man and my parents know this. they don't accept it. telling them I'm atheist has been weighing down on me for a long time. I feel like its not the same as coming out. its deeper than that because they have been christian for so long and now their 'daughter' doesn't believe in Jesus? it would honestly hurt them and its terrifying. being online is so much easier than dealing with my problems. I can put on this act of this silly guy who loves drawing, who makes jokes with his friends, who is happy with his life. when in reality I am not that guy. I have been to several 'hospitals' (iyk) and have always been tried to be 'fixed'. I cant be fixed. believe me, I've tried. TW: I have clinical depression, severe anxiety disorder, body/gender dysphoria, insomnia, and use disorders. I want to be okay but I don't think thatll ever happen. So I play as Xyn. I play as the weird silly guy online. Please don't go asking about personal or deep things. I do not want anyone to feel sorry for me, Idk what's wrong but like itll be like that forever maybe.
