onyxpaw hadn't known what to think his first crush would be like. he assumed it would happen fast, perhaps he would see another tom walk by and deciding he thought he was was cute. or maybe someone else would come up to moon, say they fancied him, and he would feel the same instantly. it had been the way he always made sure to listen to him, even if what he was saying was boring. it had been the way whenever moon found something interesting, his mind quickly went to the question of if he would find it interesting as he thought it would be obvious that he liked someone. that there would be signs. a flutter in moon's stomach, a warm feeling in his chest, a flush on his cheeks. he assumed that he would know immediately. that there would be absolutly no room for second-guessing himself. liking someone had to be a simple thing, surely. you saw them, you thought that they were pretty, and everything made sense. but it hadn't been like that in the slightest. there had been no instant realization. there was no moment where the world seemed to suddenly stop. it had been tiny things, really. it had been the way onyxpaw had started missing him when moon was on exploration. it had been the way he went to see him when he got back. it had been the way moon always made sure there were fish on the preypile simply because they were his favorite. it had been the way he found himself paying special attention to whatever he said, even if what he was saying was a tad boring. it had been the way whenever moon found something interesting, his mind quickly when to the question of if he would find it interesting too. none of it had seemed particularly strange to onyx at the time. he was his friend. of course he wanted to see him after he got back from exploration. of course he knew his favorite type of prey. but then again, moon cared about other cats too. he cared about silverfishstar, about pellucidpaw, about sunraypaw, about springtailglow. he cared about pyritepaw, in the strange way that he would be sad if he died despite the anger moon constantly felt towards the other tom. so what made this different? onyxpaw had been pondering over this question for quite a while now. there was no shortage of cats that he loved, no shortage of cats whose company he enjoyed and whose absence he noticed. he was fully capable of loving moons friends fiercely, of remembering little details about them and wanting them to be happy. that was simply who moon was. but somehow, somewhere along the way, his feelings for him had begun to feel different from everything else. he couldn't exactly pinpoint a moment when it had happened. perhaps that was what frustrated moon the most. he couldn't look back and say "this is precisely when i began to feel differently about him.". no. instead there was a collection of memories, each one ordinary enough on its own, that had compiled into something he couldn't ignore anymore. it had started slow, like snow falling. at some point, the snow became a snowball and started rolling. it became bigger and bigger until eventually, the snowball became a whole damn avalanche. and now onyxpaw stood in the middle of it, trying to figure out what in the stars he was feeling. it was quite ridiculous, really. moon had spent pretty much his whole life observing other cats. learning how to read them, picking apart who they were little by little, understanding their beliefs and behaviors. yet, when it came to his own feelings, every ounce of observational skill moon had seemed to vanish. how embarressing. though, perhaps embarressing wasn't the right word for it. it wasn't like he was ashamed of the feeling. he just.. didn't get what it was. that was until he saw moons mothers together and thought that he'd like to have that same experience with him. it was an ordinary sight, really. he had seen it all the time growing up. but for the first time in forever, he thought about himself in the same position, only with him. and that was when he realized what he was feeling.
mmm i sure wonder who ‘he’ is
