Just click the green flag. Or don't. I don't care. Read the N&C. | | | \ /
I don't want to be pitied. I just want to be listened to... Through the past month or so, four people I knew died. It was a tough thing to face, but I kept it to myself in fear that nobody would care. This, of course, lead to some complications which we will not discuss. Let's just say I'm really mad at a certain someone for harassing me, taking advantage of my vulnerability after having listened to so much, after having lost so much... Not only that, my friends have left me behind. I'm always there, but they don't care. It hurts to be treated like that. The only people who care now are you guys, and some others who I am too lazy to address. Another problem is my cousins. They don't like to hang out with me as much now, because I don't have the privileges they do. I'm even threatened and hurt on multiple occasions, and nowadays, I can't even stand hearing about how great their life is, let alone see them. Every time I actually put a little thought into my life, I think of all the real pain and suffering people are going through everyday. I feel bad, and try to appreciate what I have. But, when I try to be happy, I always think of the people who have way better lives than I do. I think of the kid in my school galloping down the hallway, smiling, chanting: "My life is great! I have the best life! Please pay attention to me!" and want to burrow in a hole and cry. I know I have a roof under my head, clothes on my back, and food in my mouth, but something INSIDE of me is empty. I love the people who waste their lives to keep me happy, and I deeply appreciate them... but I just feel so raw. I don't feel human. I don't feel normal. I feel like a monster... And, I want to cry... but part of me refuses. I can't even pour out my heart without another part of me discouraging it. Why can't I have emotions? How am I supposed to live when I'm constantly feeling lifeless? Who am I to complain? What am I to do? ... Don't help me. It will make things worse. Don't say anything. It will make things worse. You'll say the same thing every time. "I know how you feel." "I know what to do." But you never listen. This time, I just want you to listen. Please. -
