So you walk into my office And you're feeling kinda low Depressed, confused, and anxious, and you've got no place to go But I'm the one to talk to I'm the one who understands You just take a hundred fifty bucks and pop it in my hand and hit the couch. Hit the couch. So you say you hate your mommy and your dad is gone a lot You've had intimate relations with your pet dog spot Now you need some words of wisdom Need some help to find a way Just relax upon my sofa I know just the thing to say I say 'uh-huh' 'uh-huh' 'uh-huh' 'uh-huh' 'uh-huh, uh-huh say, how does that make you feel?' The second verse There's a lady on my ledge and she's lookin' mighty fine But that chicken suit she's wearing says she's out of her mind Lady step in through the window Watch your head, you'll want to crouch Lay your eggs upon my desk and park your beak up on the couch, Hit the couch! Hit the couch! Now this chicken lady's crazy, There's no doubt I needn't ask it She's a few eggs short of an Easter basket So what's a man to say to a lady who's a bird? I can solve all of her problems with just one little word I say 'uh-huh' Say it with me now I say 'uh-huh' Say it a little louder now I say 'uh-huh' Once again uh-huh again uh-huh, uh-huh, say, how's that make you feel (OW!) Last verse Now here's a man I've been his shrink for seventeen Years We shared a lot of laughter we shared a lot of tears Now he says he's healthy says his therapy is through Says he's movin' on well I've got a word for you I say hey! hey! hey! that's my word for him I say hey! hey! hey! listen to me Jim I have got a mortgage leased BMW I got a wife who's like a refugee from "Taming of the Shrew" You may say you're healthy no if's or and's or but's But if you think you're getting out of here well buddy, you're nuts Hit the couch Hit the couch Hit the couch Hit the Hit the I'm sorry your time is up,HIT THE STREET!
