Slight vent-- New fursona ghostyy She's a yin-yang patterned cat who's always tired (insomnia), hallucinates during nighttime especially (scizophrenia) and yes, she chopped her paw off. But no, I didn't chop my hand off. I do have all of the above though. (depression) I made ghostyy because Blueberry's just so HAPPY, but the truth is, for about 2-3 years I've just been masking my emotions. I go to school and I smile, and I smile the whole day long, but when I get home I cry. I cry and I cry and I think; when will I stop. when can I stop putting on the mask. why do i do this to myself? and at that point i literally want to die. if someone said they'd die for me i'd scoff. you know why? hearing i'd die for you from me is meaningless. one of my friends said you don't have to be selfless to be kind, but i;d give my own life to save another. ANY other. my mortal enemy, a stranger, my best friend. no, hearing i'd die for you means nothing. but if you hear "i'd live for you" that's a whole other level. there is one person who keeps me alive. keeps that tiny spark of joy burning, keeps me from giving up. but that one person is slipping away.. slowly.. slowly.. and when our connection is severed, so will everyone else's with me be. i'm relying on this one person. i won't tell who it is. it's someone who i care about, who cares about me.
