This is just me checking in and stuff so if you don't care.. just leave, this is pretty much for anyone who is a follower or a close friend of mine on here, not for people to get mad at me again. K? K... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ -----Intro---- So as many of you know, I took a break from scratch right after summer ended. No, this is not a coming back project... sorry guys... anyway I just thought I would kind of give a life update to those who care about me. So, here we go I guess. First off, I just wanted to say OMG guys I have 195 followers!! It was my goal to get to 200 but we are so close and warms my heart that so many people even care that much about me :). (if we get to 200 followers, I will of course make a project) ....that leads me to my next point. I've noticed when people leave, their followers tend to unfollow. This is completely reasonable, and I've done the same thing to some people. But, I also want you guys to know that I just check in pretty much every week to clear out my inbox and read messages. I just want you to know that I value you so much and I still get sooooooooooo happy knowing that everyone who I have met on here is always here for me. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ----Therapy---- Now, I have some serious stuff to talk about. The last time I posted something like this, someone reported me for 'acting depressed for attention' and that hurt me. I am not. But, a major update in my life is that I am going to see a therapist (which is long overdue) for pretty much stress and anxiety which I have a terrible problem with. It has progressively gotten worse since I started 7th grade and I know it is only going to get harder. If I get reported for this, I just want to point out that I have NEVER been to a doctor that said "hey _________, you have depression' or anything. This is not what I'm saying. I am saying that ~I do wish my life would end sometimes ~I do wonder what the point of me being here is ~I do wonder who would actually care ~I do wonder if it would make everything easier and just go away there are defiantly days where it hurts a lot. I want to tell my parents but they know me as the happy, loud, perfectionist that I was. Now, I am more quiet, have pretty much one really close friend that I don't even hang with at school, and I have extreme feelings and out of control anxiety/stress attacks. (I still get all A's though). I feel like if I tell my parents they won't look at me the same, or they won't believe me, or they will wonder what they did wrong and I don't want that because it would break me even more. I hope to deal with all of this as I get an appointment with my therapist and can figure it all out ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ----OCD---- Now, again, I am not claiming I have OCD, which I probably don't, just severe perfectionism. Everything bugs or triggers me and I just snap at people and I can't control it. I break. I yell. I AM IMPOSSIBLE. I work by myself now on all group projects because I literally cannot trust other people to do it they way I want. It sounds self centered, but I honestly cannot help it. My grades are pretty much everything to me. I hope I can work through this and somehow pull myself together.... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ If you've made it this far, I just want to let you know that I love you very much and I care about you with all my heart SO MUCH. I've grown up and it breaks my heart a little because I don't read warriors anymore, or 'play' with my stuffed animals and realization kinda hits you like holy crap, I will never do that again. I am never going to be that person again. I. Will. Never. Talk. That. Way. Again. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Nice comments mean the world to me. Some days I just need some positive vibes and if I know I can look on here and spread the happiness and get me going again, well, that's pretty freaking amazing.
I hope u like it .dry
