-E M P T Y -

Instructions

well i guess I should say this :p well ummm.... I don't know how to start. but I guess i should. so this is a long story. so sit back and relax. umm I will be sharing somethings that I have to step out of my confort zone for. so please. I don't want any hate for shareing this ;-; so when i was younger. I didn't have many firends. and the ones I did have I brushed aside and kept saying over and over again in my mind that they where faking it. I meant some people who were really nice and we shared the same intressed. this was 4th grade. and everything was going well. I got better at art way faster with my knew firends and I even started a bit of scratch, though I quickly dropped it. I felt important as everyone started to like me and i made a whole lot of knew firends. but in the middle of the year. everything started going downhill. my firends started to joke around about depression. now some of them where. so we would stop. we would still talk about depression like it was nothing though. once 5th grade came around and i had started scratch as the name @FoxDraws I meant a whole lot of new firends on the internet. but we have to get back to that. my firends over the summer got sadder. and it seemed like everyone i hung out with was sad. I am normally very happy. but it seemed like depression was who I was meant to be. so I started putting on a mask of depression around my firends. I always felt guilty when ever I laughed or smiled. so I would force it down. this 'mask' was the worst thing. and I guess it's what started my eating disorder.... I started to looked at food with disgust. I hated it's smell and taste. and everything about it. after lunch, and I wouldn't eat a thing. I started to feel weak. for awhile this went on. hanging out my friends. not eating. I started haveing panic attacks,sleep depression. and my grades started to drop. with this mask. I started to lose who I was. I didn't know if i was happy for if i was sad. I had no clue what to do. (oh god i'm tearing up) I hung out with my firends longer. in hopes to find out. but it didn't seem to work. I came to my online firends. online was the only place i felt safe. but foxdraws wasn't working for me. on foxdraws i was the person with the mask. and my firends helped me see that. I moved to @_-NovaStar-_ there I had so many firends. i felt like I was meant to be on scratch. it was unbeliveable how many people i'd meant. but after awhile of hanging with my irl firends and online firends. health class came about. and I was scared. we had a lesson on 'eating disorders' I tried to hid my tears I really did. but at the end of the class. when the teacher said 'next time we will learn about, eating disorders' once everyone left to go play outside. I came up to the teacher and burst into tears. through my hands I mummbled my words, but o thank god the teacher spoke sad student. 'I...can i not be in with the lesson" I cried. my hands sticky and hot from my cheeks. "I..." my words became even more quiet 'i have and eating disorder" I couldn't stand to bear the words out of my mouth. confusing was the only thing I didn't want to do it my life. i kept telling myself to push it down. forget about it. it'll go away. the teacher was very conforting and i left for recess. but it hung in my head. later at music. someone came into the classroom and asked for me. i stood up and followed. the hot eyes followed my like torches agaisnt my skin. the person asked me "so, why do you think your here?" I swallowed my tounge. my gasping breath as I breathed the words that I so hated to utter "because, I told the teacher that I didn't want to be in that lesson" I tried to avoid saying it. "i'm the school counserlur" the person spoke. her words wandered in the wind, like she had said this so many times before. a stone rolled in my throught as my stomach turned to knots. "your teacher said that you have an eating disorder. would you like to share it" I nodded. what else was there to do. I knew i needed help. my own body hated me. the silence screamed in my mind as we made are way to a room. she sat me down. and started to talk. I disctided what I felt like towards food, she nodded her head everytime. and evertime my stomach turned. 'good news is, your nor Anorexic" I sighed. "however, helping you will be hard" my heart sank. " you have a sensory eating disorder" I tilted my head in confustion. "you know the 5 senses? it's like that, but with out the hearing" I sighed. it sounded like that. but I felt even more alone. I had only heard of Anorexic. never this, how many people had a sensory eating disorder? was there a way to help it? am I going to die!? my mind was filled with thoughts. however my mind was cooled. "many other young students are effected" my heart jumped. I wasn't alone! I left that room that day feeling relived. this pain was out of my chest. but it was near the end of the year. two weeks left. where they going to be able to help me? I sighed. I wanted to