Love and torture are the same thing. True. I am aware of what Dycranian wants and what it means for the world’s fate. True. I might put everything that I’ve ever known at risk. True. I believe I’m going to survive. False.
I am awake. I am alive. I am breathing. I think. I slowly become more and more aware of my surroundings. I hear urgent whispers, frantic voices, loud and insistent beepings of machinery. Cold metal pokes into my back and I wiggle slightly. My eyes are still closed. I am at the mercy of the world. I attempt to open my eyes and it takes so much effort that it’s painful. I am forced to close them again, colors swimming and darting into view. It’s like a fireworks show. Purple, green, and blue all explode in my head and penetrate the suffocating darkness. This isn’t normal. I hear the sound of screeching brakes. A high pitched scream echoes in my mind and there’s a horrific thud. People are screaming, yelling. I’ve lost all sense of directions. I am only faintly aware of my surroundings. I am lying on the ground, I think. Pebbles and dirt are trapping me, almost pinning me to the ground. Around me, broken shards of glass are flying as if they have wings and minds of their own. It feels like hours pass by as I drift in and out of consciousness. I am faintly aware of someone cradling my head. I don’t like them touching me, but it takes too much effort to move away, so I allow myself to stay there. I become aware of a loud siren wailing in the distance, it’s squeal mirroring the way I feel. The person is gone and my head is cold again. Someone is… no, not someone, multiple people are lifting me up as if trying to get me to stand. It’s useless. I am still lying down when I realize that I’m lying on a surface that is far more comfortable. My eyes are still closed, yet my brain is working. I know what it feels like to paralyzed now. You want so much to open your eyes or move your legs or arms, but you can’t. No matter how hard you try, you can’t. I flinch. 1, 2, 3 seconds pass by and memories are swimming away from me. I try to chase them, but even in my mind, I am too exhausted to run very far. I collapse and allow myself to fade once more into darkness. “Is she okay?” “Is she alive?” “How did she survive?” “Is she going to be alright?” “What happened?” I hear different voices all speaking at once and I can’t tell if they are talking to me or someone else. I soon find the answer as a man’s low, deep voice responds to them. “She’ll be okay. Once she opens her eyes, she’ll be fine.” I smile inside of my mind. As soon as I open my eyes, I’ll be fine. Fine… This whole thing will be over and I’ll be fine… 1 year, 9 months, 6 weeks, and 4 days later and I still haven’t opened my eyes.
