This is really personal. A few people understand it, you can ask them. I dont want to tell you. Sometimes i dont even want to know it exists. I dont want your messages, paragraphs of support, because once they collapse out from under me i will have nothing, and i dont want to be dependent on you again I dont want to over-dramatize myself again, add stress again, just for attention because that will destroy all i worked for, so please, if you comment at all, dont write anything you wouldnt write on a non vent.
this took three days, so there is some differences between color and detail.
