My English teacher has been telling my class that disabilities don't stop you from doing amazing things in life, despite not being able to do certain things. For me... well... it hasn't been this way as I had hoped. Generally, I usually end up screwing everything up to the point where everyone will start to hate me if I do anything. In school, I have always tried to be a good student in school, but everyone around me hates me for it and yells at me even though I try to follow directions. I even had to vent to my mom because all of the kids in my history class kept being disruptive while I tried to pay attention to the video that was shown and take notes. I ended up having lots of blanks while everyone else copied down others' work but I didn't want to that day and ended up having to turn it in. On the internet, my art is judged and made fun of. It's the reason why I took digital art, I wanted to improve so people can like my art and not look like a 5 year old drew all of it. At home, my sister makes horrible jokes that are harmful and annoys me a lot. She keeps recording things I do to make me look bad in front of me and I don't want her doing it. She shows my family and they all say it's funny but I don't like it, she even made me depressed because she was apparently joking that I'm worthless. My brother once joked that he was a better sibling because I didn't play halo with her and it turned out to be a joke. She claims that I can't take jokes but I can. She even told me that she would joke about me killing myself, which is really bad. I'm not happy anywhere and I'm sure that it's all because I have ADHD and possibly on the spectrum. I have a really terrible memory like a little Thanos is inside my brain and I can't tell weather something someone says is a joke or not unless I know beforehand. It's hard for me to concentrate and I daydream about OC stuff a lot. I'm so scared that I'll loose all of my friends because of my own disabilities. Sometimes, I wish that I can throw them all away so people can like me and appreciate me more than how I'm appreciated now. This is all in addition to my loneliness as I want to talk to people but no one wants to talk to me because of how "weird" I am with my disabilities. I just want to be a normal, decent human being... I don't want to be the garbage I am right now...
