Read the definition then read the loooooong paragraph! This will explain why I act the way I do. MD Definition (according to Google)- Maladaptive daydreaming is a disordered form of dissociative absorption associated with vivid and excessive fantasy activity that often involves elaborate and fanciful scenarios. It can result in distress, can replace human interaction and may interfere with normal functioning such as social life or work. People who suffer from maladaptive daydreaming can spend more than half their days in "vivid alternative universes." YEEEAAAH this is basically me in a nutshell! IDK why I made this but sit yo self down and listen (read whatever). Soo basically back in like Kindergarten, my friend and I would play as these characters we created. I loved these characters with all my heart, more than I can even explain. And every night I'd daydream about them. It was almost like watching a movie but I was in control. I mean if you have a brain why not use it? I regret ever thinking that....The thoughts were so vivid that I became attached to them. It was as if they were real. But they weren't...and that's what hurt me. I'd pace back and forth and I'd associate everything I did with them. Until I became interested in other fandoms and stuff. My daydreaming became a thing I had to do. Like there was some compulsion telling me to daydream. I'd stop interacting with other people because I'd be lost in a daydream. I remember coming home one day and just crying because I knew that all the characters in my mind were fake and I could only enjoy them in my head...Even writing that makes me sad...When most people daydream, they don't create entire series and movies dedicated to that one world in their head. But I sure do. It's hard to focus in class and live in the real world when what's going on inside your head is so much better. I'd give so much if I could live my fantasies! Even something as simple as listening to music becomes difficult because every lyric becomes associated to whatever your "topic" is. And that can trigger the daydreaming. Even watching videos or doing something that have nothing to do with whatever you're fixated on can trigger it too. You guys often joke about my addiction to J-Hope. But it's out of my control. I can't just STOP liking him because he's on my mind 24/7. And that brings me to my next point. When you have MD, your world become fixated on one thing. For instance someone could mention the letter "J" which for me would trigger the daydreaming and I wouldn't be able to get out of the daydream because it's the only thing I want to do (so please don't sing the alphabet around me XD). And then when you're over that one thing, you move on to another. But this transition from one thing to another can be damaging. You get angry/happy/sad from the scenarios YOU created in your own mind. You know how many times I've cried because of what happened in a story I created in MY mind??? Also sometimes the daydreams are VERY inappropriate, but then again.. This entire thing is hard to explain. But (J)hopefully you can see why I have crazy obsessions over fandoms and people. I'm not some crazy fangirl with nothing else better to do (okay so that was a lie XD). There is something happening in my head that I can't control, and I wanna show people that while it may seem innocent, this excessive daydreaming can ruin someones life...Because it's ruining mine! :D Lol Imma go pace while listening to music (even though I just wrote an entire paragraph on how it triggers my daydreaming.)
https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/maladaptive-daydreaming#symptoms :P
