i do not like this at all but i am putting this back up because i want to keep progress of my artistic abilities here This is 2 years old
ignore the thing that flashes and says "ugh capitalism" and also that this oc has a ushanka (its supposed to be a soviet one) i would not use that imagery now what follows this is an apology to no one there was a point when i thought stuff like the above was funny when I really didnt know what i was doing, i was a kid who wanted to look so grown by being really edgy. that also manifested in an obsession with some political figures (stalin, hitler, lenin, etc.) and general wwii stuff. but my interest didnt have any nuance i was just really awful to a lot of people because I thought it was sooo cool to insult people and be mean and pretend to be interested in awful stuff i had really underdeveloped empathy at the time and the only person i knew how to feel sorry for was myself. i understand the severity of things that i used to make fun of. i was never genuinely a nazi and i always refrained from using slurs or whatevr but pictures of hitler and co were just really funny to me. sure i wasnt making fun of the victims but i was trivializing something that was really serious. maybe this short video shows how unhappy i really was while i *attempted* to keep this facade of witty and cool political genius child up where i would just be mean to people and try and say awful shocking things for attention. literally something i said to a friend at that time was that i would keep blackmail of them with me "just in case" goddd can you imagine how awful of a person youd have to be to say that to someone you call a friend?? you can even see here in whats supposed to be an earnest expression of what i was feeling i make room for the uwu supreme shirt because hahah meme and the ugh capitalism message. i just hate the kind of person i used to be. making others lives worse intentionally. i dont think i can salvage bonds with the people i hurt through that behavior. i just want to be nice to the people im able to now. im so clumsy with it, though. i really needed to type all this out i dont think people look at my profile anymore
