everything got worse... she says i dont know how she feels... i know exactly how she feels... i feel hated... betrayed... pathetic... terrible... wimpy... scared.... angry... all of the above and more... she got angry at me for being someones friend.... this isnt the first time this happened... i dont think she ever cared.... she was the one i vented to... the one i thought i could trust.... she was only there because she had to... shed rather not listen to my stories... shed rather be somewhere else... with the 'only people who care'... she knows my struggles... she somewhat understands them... i think she lied about commiting non-living... just to make me feel bad... i already felt bad... every time i closed my eyes.... i saw her and my closest friend... dead... and it was all my fault... i wish we would just stop... but she wont let it happen.... shes not like that.... i tried to help.... she didnt care about me helping... i knew she didnt... i just want to cry... and leave forever... i tried... i really did.... but of course... as usual... i failed... since im a failure.... i cant anymore.... i just.... i might take a break.... probably anyway... i cant do this.... its too much.... please dont feel pity.... i just want you all to be happy... so making you worry about me.... makes it so much worse...
