My Coming Out Story And My Relationships

Instructions

Many people know I'm lesbian, but not many know the story behind me coming out or when I realized. So here goes. When I was in fourth grade, I went to Taekwondo and there I made a best friend, we'll call her Hailey. Hailey was homeschooled, but she and I were the same age. Her mom was working over time because her dad had had lung cancer at the time. So Hailey spent most of that year living with us. She and I were very close and we became best friends. On her birthday, that same year she tried to teach me how to roller skate (spoiler: I cannot) and at one point I almost fell and she grabbed my hand and caught me. Of course, I was relieved like oh look my best friend caught me, but I also felt... strange. Not strange, that's a bad word to describe it, but I felt differently, in a good way. She held my hand the rest of the time we were skating and even though I kept falling and dragging her down with me, she didn't loose her patience. Hailey was a patient soul, that very nice person that would help a stranger out. When we were in fifth grade, Hailey's father passed away and she and her family moved to Texas to be with her grandparents. We lost contact and I honestly don't know much about how she's doing. Sixth grade started and that was a rough year for me. I was in a dark place at the time and it was just horrible. Anyway, this girl... we'll say her name is Katrina... lured me in with friendship. Then, she proceeded to turn us into something more. Mind you, I had had crushes on guys before and I started to feel the same way about Katrina and I was immediately thinking, "Oh man. I shouldn't like girls. Everything I've been taught about being gay was bad." But at the same time, it was like huh, but why is it so bad? I identified as bisexual at the time and at one point I told my friends: Cattiqq, and Ghost_Chan_Draws. They were really supportive and I was surprised to find out that Ghost was pansexual. Meanwhile, Katrina was not a good relationship. She kept wanting to take it a step further and we were eleven and twelve. Not to mention, she made me anxious and just depressed. When my parents read through our text messages, they lectured me, demanding I tell the truth and finally I caved and told them I was bi. My father was furious and left the room and my mother gave me an hour long lecture telling me I was confused. Also, Katrina and I broke up a day later and then she moved away. I don't regret breaking it off. Meanwhile, seventh grade happened and I was in a better place, but still not fully... out of my depression... I suppose. In December, I crushed on another girl but I was frantically telling myself to stop because I had learned my lesson from the first time. But and I'll call her Amaya, she and I became best friends and we still are to this day, but I couldn't help but feel a pang of longing like I wanted to be something more. But. Me. Being. Complicated. As. Heck. happened to have a crush on: 1) A Mormon 2) A girl in a military family 3) A girl just getting out of a long-distance relationship Yeah... but she was lesbian and I was like, Ha! I have a chance! Yeah, needless to say it didn't work out. Three days later she was back with the girl from before. Of course, I was tearing my hair out, but whatever. But she wasn't mean about it and she and I are still friends. Do I still wish we were together? Of course! But she loves that other girl and that's fine. You love who you love. And then... something struck me. When was the last time I had a dude crush? Needless to say, I began to question my sexuality once more. But anyway, long story short it turns out I'm lesbian. And this will sound weird but I think about guys and I'm like shuddering with revulsion. I will occasionally be like 'oh he's good-looking' but I don't want to like... you know... anyway... phew... that's a long story but yeah...