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Dear Audrey, I can’t bear to be without you. I must see you within the next week. I know that you are only 87 years young and I am 42, but our love is true. The wedding cake with be ready within the next three hours, and as I write this I am getting fitted for your wedding dress. I shaved three of my one legs so that I look pretty, because as you know I’ll be dressing in skin-loose swim speedos. I have invited the kid we ran over’s family and my great aunt’s summer fling. The organ player will be playing ‘All Star’ for our last dance, and then for our second and fifth dances she will play exactly three seconds from a badly recorded version of ‘We Didn’t Start the Fire’, sung by Danny DeVito. Then the man from that burned down CVS that stole my dog will yell and ride around on a small person disguised as a broccoli. I hope to see you soon. Love, Your great-uncle Steve. P.S. I can see your doomsday shelter
