This was really satisfying to do I actually get what I believe is anxiety whenever I have to do something or go somewhere that I've rarely or never been to, rarely or never done, basically even going to a new restaurant (especially if it has foreign food) makes me super uncomfortable. At the start of quarantine, my mom took me and my brother outside on the driveway to some chalk art for a school thing, and since I would've felt so horribly guilty if I didn't go, I went outside and at the beginning I was super uncomfortable and even put on my jacket even though it was kinda hot out cause it was my comfort item, and I was still feeling guilty and I was acting really timid and had a hard time speaking (I tend to stutter and have an issue with speech when I'm really uncomfortable or nervous) and I had my music up to the highest volume without the volume warning, I was yelling at myself just because of simply being forced to go a bit outside my comfort zone. The first frame is hugely based off of one of Kokichi's sprites, since although I do tend to vent and tell those close to me when I'm suffering, I have tiny issues that I've only vented to my mom about, and Kokichi hides behind lies. It's also Kokichi because he pretends not to be bothered by most things, and usually I don't speak about how I'm worried about how little sanity I may have as time progresses and I grow older. I mean, sure I love human gore and easily and casually joke about it, but I coould never and would never actually kill or cut someone on purpose, at least currently. I'm worried I may be able to when I'm older. I'm worried about how my choices may lead to me developing wrong. Sunny, bright days like today (at the time it's sunny and bright where I live) give me a whole load of what I believe is anxiety, and if I dwell on them for too long I may start actually feeling upset about how meaningless our lives are and how most people's definition of time doesn't exist. Sometimes I feel sad and even start yelling at myself when I have not even anything near depression, I almost have a "TV" type life, really. If you believe in reincarnation and karma, then I must have saved multiple endangered species and helped thousands of people in my past life, because compared to a lot of you, I'm very privileged and spoiled.
I also miss my friends so much, when I stop to think about them for a second. I'm just so scared that I may never see one of them again, because they're dead, I'm so scared that I'll eventually lose contact with all these special, rare people, and never find ones as great as them again. I almost wish I was younger, except I had more issues back then, even though it seems it was easier back then. I'd eventually grow up, no matter what. Honestly, I believe we're all stuck in an endless loop and we get deja vu when we've done a particular thing over and over again in our past lives. I believe we all just are born with something slightly changed but almost everything is still the same, except usually that one thing changes our path a lot. It's a weird theory, since other people exist, but... it's also kind of comforting.
