Stuffy Vent

Instructions

this has happened months and months ago, and no matter how many times i’ve tried to vent to myself, writing it all down, i cant ever seem to clear it up. this is why i call it a “stuffy vent”. so, like i said, a few months ago, around the start of quarantine (actually it was the first day of homeschooling for me), i was very tired in bed. when my mom came to get me out of bed, i groaned. she immediately yelled at me and listed all the things that were wrong with me. this hurt my feelings a lot, since she was my mother, and it really made me hate myself. one of the things she said was that i needed to work as if i were actually in school, so as i was getting dressed and brushing my hair, she came in to check on me. when she asked me what i was doing, i said that i was getting dressed and brushing my hair, just in case you wanted me to. apparently these were the key words to trigger another fit of anger on my mom, and she punished me and said some more awful things. i really didn’t understand. i thought that i had spoken normally, maybe even a little frightened. weeks and weeks later, this hate on myself continued to grow until i was just depressed (if i wasn’t already). my mom and i had lots of talks about how, that day, i had spoken rudely and the tone of my voice wasn’t nice. again, i thought it was normal. i carried lots of guilt and sadness ever since then, i have almost never found time not to look back on it and wished things had gone differently. well, maybe i'm just being a brat and feeling sorry for myself unnecessarily. i honestly don’t know. i hate myself so much, even if at times i can seem cheery. i'm trying as best as i can to hide these emotions, but i can’t any longer. is this something small that i shouldn’t be getting upset about? i even feel a little guilty for writing this, making you guys try to think of words of encouragement. i don’t know why i’m posting this. i should’ve just kept this to myself and carry these feelings all the way, because according to my mother and i, i definitely deserve to feel guilt and sadness. you don’t need to post any comments on this. this is more for myself, and it’s definitely something small. ugGH IM JUST SO-

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