so. recently,two peoples i admire a lot are venting a lot. but,like i admire them a lot,i'm really sorry for them. but now this is slowly turning into something more deeply disturbing in my side,like literally hurting me and the other to try to staying high like if,just because they exist,i must be like or even better than them just to convince myself of something who is just- so stupid- like i can't be like them,and just with this mind it's worst- it would be nothing for me to be like them- i'm going trough simple jealousy to high level of fanatism- and the only one i can blame is myself- i want to see them happy- but i can't- i just hope they will never see this project,it will maybe make the things worse- i'm such a failure- it's why i'm not like the other- it's why i'm not the other- why i'm worst than the other- it's because i'm so deeply stupid- jealousy is stupid- in my head,why i am always thinking about me- why them,why these two person, they did nothing wrong-
i can't change there is too many vents,i'm one in the wave.maybe the less important,i know people will try to lie and tell me something we can say to everybody. i'm not unique.i'm just a piece of-i don't even have a name for what i am. who cares anyway. smile and laugh at me. i'm so dumb i can't understand what you will say anyway. i'm glad nobody see or comment it i don't deserve the attention you give me anyway.
