Hey guys... Some of you have noticed that for the past month, I haven't really been actually active or anything. Now and then I would drop in on Scratch and check in, maybe chat, but for the most part, I haven't really done anything... So I want to make it official here that I'm going to be leaving, once and for all. I've actually wanted to leave for a long time but never had the courage to do it, and I've also thought about it for a long time, and- the thing is, there's actually multiple reasons why I am now officially leaving. There's been a mixture of feelings and confusion and everything in my brain- I just feel like it's all wrong. Everything. I know a lot of people before me have already stated these reasons but I want to rant. Hopefully it'll make me feel better. 1) School, prep class, tutoring, python, debate team, math team, java... for one, I just don't have time anymore. All of those extra tutoring and classes- well- I really can't squish anything out of my time anymore. 2) my friends have been leaving all around me- Ivy, Sunny, Patty- they've all needed to move on in life, and I feel that I do too. My original purpose on Scratch was to have fun and make friends... but now my friends have been leaving, and I feel like I need to too. 3) this sounds really dumb but I'm bored of my username. I made it 2 years ago, but now thinking back on it, I don't really like it :/ I don't feel like moving, and yeah I know this is minor but who cares 4) there's been a lot of... hate... in the past on this account, and however much I try to "move on from the past", I just can't completely throw it away. Moving on doesn't change what happened in the past. It doesn't let me forget it. so... I know that leaving won't solve the problem anyway but at least I can let other things take over my life. 5) I've seen the way how far people will go to gain fame or hurt others. I've seen the way how rude people can be when they get frustrated, calling names, spamming, advertising, guilt-tripping... it's enough. I've had enough. These people can lie and change their face the next second to pretend nothing ever happened... no. I'm not going to take it anymore. And it doesn't help that my dad is furious at me for being scared and having an emotional breakdown MINUTES before I have to go to a meeting and make a presentation. And him saying, "I don't have a daughter like that. Who's weak." Of course these are all the things people say when they're angry, but it's not helping. It's not helping with ANYTHING I'm dealing with right now, that my parents don't know. And neither do my friends, or sisters, or anyone else in the world. Except for me. Which makes it even harder, because now I feel like no one understands me. And it isn't anyone's fault, not Scratch's, not my friends', nobody's. But my own. I guess in a way you can kind of say it was my dad who pulled the final trigger, but maybe in a way, he was right. I am weak. I'm scared to ask questions, I often have panic attacks right before classes, and I'm too introverted to do anything good. And I hate myself for that. I'll still be kinda active on my alts and until another secret account (which I'll move to) becomes a Scratcher. I don't want to share it with anyone right now, even my friends (I'm sorry, guys ;w;). (Chip, if you're reading this and you want to know my secret account, just comment and I might tell you <33) Thanks guys for reading all of that... ilysm and I'll miss you guys </3 ** Oh and plus, I've actually written this a longgg time ago (a few months, even) and have sometimes come back & edited and added a few parts, so sometimes the mood & tone don't always match up ** Oh. And also. Apologies to the people whom I still owe art orders to, just try to find someone else to do it :/
