Condition Update

Instructions

Hey floofers. This is just a small update on my condition, mentally. I'm better, but worse. Family troubles are getting better, in fact, I just got back from a camping trip at the time of sharing this. But . . . my mental condition isn't. I normally feel like I won't win, but I'll be close, in CCs and DTAs and such, but recently, I haven't been entering DTAs or CCs or anything because . . . Because every time I look at any entries, I want to break down and cry. (Nearly) All of them are so amazing. Every. Single. One. Is absolutely stunning. All of them . . . All of them except for mine. Autodesk or not, I feel like my art is trash, even more so now. In a DTA once, not too long ago, three months, maybe? I had an entry I really liked. And this one person, same person the whole time, kept filling up my messages with hate comments calling it stupid and that their entry was so much better, and well, it was. Their entry had quality, and time spent making it. Mine looked like a pile of burning garbage next to it. They told me (And I quote, as best I can remember, without remembering the exact username, and the project is unshared and deleted soo . . . I'm not finding that trash again) But they told me that I was dumb. My art was bad. I was terrible at coloring and all of my OCs (At the time, I had just introduced Racer and Mae, Rake was brand-new, and I still had Rainclash and Blackear) were the weirdest, most impossible cats ever and that I should just d!e so nobody ever has to see them again. I was told I was trying to guilt-trip the owner of the CC into letting me win since they pitied me when I tried to ask them to stop, trying to convince them I was just trying to have fun. For the DTA I won, winning a ThunderClan warrior cat OC named Thunderkit, I felt like I won only because I added like . . . two small designs and there were barely any other entries. I honestly hated the entry, the art was terrible. For the DTA I'm in . . . I think the other entries are 400000 times better than my trashy, glitchy, bad animation I did, and the bio is stupid. I don't deserve to win Angler Wolf, I don't deserve to have friends, I don't deserve anything I have, except for my anxiety. My parents don't think I have anxiety, but . . . I'm quite sure I do. For now . . . I'm not unsharing/deleted my Angler Wolf entry, and I'm not quitting CCs or anything. For now . . . I don't think I have depression, and I don't want to d!e . . . but this is really hard for me. Everything that happened has really taken a toll on my mental health. But I should be okay . . . I hope I will be. Stay safe. -Nyom/1RR1/Emily