I'm tired. Of kind of everything, at this point. Life just feels... pointless. Nothing's happening. If this were a normal year, I would have said a proper goodbye to my friends before summer. I may have even been able to talk to my crush a bit. If this were a normal year, I'd be in Maine or Arizona right now. Not stuck at home, dragging myself through each day, telling myself things will change eventually. I can't speak for anyone else, but "eventually" describes my life pretty well right now. Things will happen "eventually". I'll do it "someday". We'll figure that out "later", ok? Sure. But then "later" never comes. I can't really describe what I'm feeling. I'm much better off than when I made all those other vents. (I came out to my parents btw. Which is why i don't feel so... well, depressed anymore.) But I'm still... not great. Life feels completely pointless. Why do I even get up in the morning? No one's around anymore. My dad is going back to work. My mom disappears to my aunt's house every day. My brother hides behind his screens. And I guess so do I. The only member of our family who's even trying to keep us together, in a way, is our cat. Bless her. I've started letting her into my room at night. Normally the door is closed, but I'll open it a crack and she'll slip in and settle down at the foot of my bed. But she doesn't stay for long. She prefers to sleep with my parents. Every time she leaves, I feel the loneliness all over again. Loneliness! That's what it is. I'm lonely. I'm lonely. I'm lonely. I spend my days wandering around Scratch and watching YouTube videos. Pointless. I miss my friends. I miss my family, the one that was around to help you if you needed it. The family dinners. The games. I miss school. I miss my crush. I miss Maine. I miss my friends. Oh my god, I miss my friends so much. Darn it, now I'm crying... I have a headache. I'm probably dehydrated, but it's also because of the constant shaking and rumbling. My elementary school, right down the street from us, is being torn down and built anew. It's making the whole neighborhood feel like a literal earthquake. My mom hates it. It makes her feel sick. Her solution? Get out of the house. It's become almost normal for us now. Wake up, the house is shaking. It stops around the time we have dinner. But oh my god, every time there is a pause, I cannot help but stop whatever I'm doing and wait for it to start again, while praying that it doesn't. It always does. So... I guess that's about it. Thanks for reading? I'm so tired...
