I thought things were at the worst for me a few weeks ago, but now, I can't even... Each day, more and more of myself slowly but surely disappears. It's like a mask, concealing my face while the real me is somewhere, down in a dark hole, unable to get out. Each day, I put on a fake smile, just try to keep it up, but every day, the load gets heavier, and I'm getting smaller... I'm nothing. And I'm treated like I'm nothing as well. What a coincidence, isn't it? And isn't it also so wonderful that the fact that I'm not good enough, the fact that I'll never be, is always the only thing in my mind? It's pulling me behind. I'm guilty that I stay on my computer for long periods of time so I can talk with my online- and IRL- friends. I'm guilty because I feel overweight, that I feel out of control, even if the doctor said I'm not. I'm guilty because I'm not enough to my friends. I don't deserve anyone, just me, sitting in my dark corner of the universe, as the days of my life slowly slip by. I know that there are people out there, wanting to get at people like me, demolish them, wipe out their families, their home, their life. And every day, every night, it can't get out of my mind. The load is getting heavier and heavier. My world is starting to get blurrier. And I didn't even tell you all of it yet... i feel guilty about sharing this... ...i’m sorry. but i had to
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