hh i'm done here alright confession time honestly my family has just been put through the wringer. my grammy has had cancer in her throat for a while, and only told us recently. she actually only told us /after/ my brother left to serve my church, so we aren't allowed to tell him. my great uncle jimmy also has cancer, and because of where it's located, he can't be treated with chemo or anything. we've been praying for him (and my other family members), but my mom literally said that he's not going to get better. she said that because she knew our dad wouldn't tell us, so she may as well break the truth. my uncle ronnie just got corona a second time after barely recovering a few weeks ago. he's already been in the hospital for the past several years because he has both diabetes and a rare disease called phenylketonuria which have really just been wreaking havoc on his body pretty much his whole life. he's just being absolutely drained by basically everything that can possibly go wrong with his body. his wife and children have pretty much already just accepted the inevitable. frankly, we never thought he could possibly survive this long. he may be surviving, but it's not really living. oh, and i can't sleep. i mean, sleeping was hard for me anyway, but now it's just,, so difficult. during the school year i thrived on 5 hours of sleep, but now i'm getting around 4ish even though i'm in bed 6-7 hours each night at the least. just can't sleep. oh, and being disinterested in things is fun. i dunno, i just can't focus on anything for more than half an hour at a time if i'm lucky. motivation is a pain, too, but isn't it always? eh anyway whatever. i'm fine, seriously. just thought i'd list some reasons i can't seem to do absolutely anything. oh, and chadwick boseman died. i'm officially boycotting 2020, join me. basically i'm really mad at cancer. ---------------------- TLDR: uh it's a vent, you either read it or you don't. sorry if i'm wasting your time. i'm fine anyway. anyway, school starts next week, so i'll basically be completely inactive during the week, sorry. catch y'all later. i'm fine, really.
